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2. 天气凉了……今天跟老婆吵架了，于是我在沙发上睡着了，突然被冷醒！抬头一看，空调强劲制冷16度，遥控器又找不到，气得老子快步冲向房门，用力敲门大喊：老婆，我错了……
3. A：“你有哪些曾经自认为伟大，能赚钱的创意，被发现已经被别人实现，或被证明不可行？”B：“小时侯觉得最赚钱的方法，长大后发现都写在《刑法》里面了。”
4. 两男孩打架，一男孩被撂倒，爬起来就跑，跑出一段不服气的冲着对方大叫：打你不过，我就收拾你爹！说完就给了自己一个响亮的耳光。
5. “禅师，同事老是惹我生气该怎么办？”“想吵架的时候先深吸一口气。”“是让自己冷静下来吗？”“你看我”，禅师深吸一口气，“你个从小缺钙长大缺爱姥姥不疼舅舅不爱左脸欠抽右脸欠踹驴见驴踢猪见猪踩小贱人再惹我信不信一巴掌拍晕你让你回家你爹妈都不认识你，憋死我了，不深吸一口气还真说不完。”
6. 男朋友上周出差去深圳，到了以后大学同学安排吃饭，酒足饭饱后，问男友去东莞不，男友果断拒绝了，回来后和我说起这事，把我感动的一塌糊涂，问他：亲爱的你是怕去了对不起我对吗？二货男友摇了摇头说：他妈的连公粮都交不够呢，哪有余粮往出交……
7. 就今个，我一个二货装逼同事开车载着我，他一新手，突然，路中间熄火了，怎么着也启动不了，车后的一辆大巴车一直摁着喇叭，车启动了，同事又熄灭了，嘴里骂骂咧咧的“妈的，摁你妈的喇叭”，直接就下车了，5秒不到就回来了。开着车就走了，问他嘛他也不说。事后他自己回忆说：我永远也忘不了那眼睛，一眼望去，黑色的大巴车上写着“特警”，一整车穿着军装的犀利的眼睛盯着我，腿都吓软了。
8. 今天下课去吃面，隔壁桌一中年女，嘴里还含着饺子走过来对我说：“处女要吗？” 我简直惊了个呆：“你还处女呢阿姨？” 她二话不说给了我一耳光，把我桌上的醋给拿走了，我好冤好疼。。。。。
9. 今天坐轻轨上班，人特别多，我只好站着，这时发现旁边一白发老大爷也站着，旁边两个美女居然视而不见。我瞄好一位美女，缓缓的靠过去，问了一句：“美女你好！你知道安利吗？有没有兴趣了解下。”她抬了抬头没理我，我刚要再准备说一些话，她立马站起来去别的车厢了！我扶过老大爷坐了下去！深藏功与名~
10. 和老婆一起下班回家的路上，遇到了个蒙面劫匪拿着刀对我俩说：“你俩其中一个可以走！” 我立马抢着说道：“我留下！”说完我立马推了一下老婆：“快走！” 老婆走后，劫匪脱下了面罩嘿嘿一笑，对我说：“现在你老婆管不了你了，走！我俩去天上人间玩去……”
11. 一则专考外国人的听力测试：“T恤跳楼价啦！件件10元！样样10元！全部10元！！”问：什么10元？A、件件，B、样样，C、全部，D、T恤。
12. 双11快到了，推荐一些好听的歌：《分手》、《分手快乐》、《好心分手》、《分手没有什么大不了》、《和平分手》、《天亮以后说分手》、《爱到尽头是分手》、《不该和你分手》、《选择分手》、《流着泪说分手》、《快乐的时候说分手》、《坚强分手》、《笑着说分手》、《无痛分手》、《全世界分手》、《和她分手》、《不能和你分手》。
13. 男人意淫：被一群白富美喂药，然后轮一夜。女人意淫：一个高帅富和一个高帅穷同时死心塌地爱着女主角，女主角各种拒绝高帅富，一心跟着高帅穷。高帅富就使用手段把女主角强奸了，女主角说你得到了我的人但是得不到我的心，准备远走他乡却被高帅穷在机场拦下，表白说不论你变成什么样我都一直爱你。然后高帅富的爹出了车祸，留下遗嘱发现高帅穷是传说中的富豪私生子，亲兄弟为了女主角各种官斗私斗，最后高帅穷掌管公司和女主角在一起，高帅富远走他乡。每年女主角都会收到什么都不写只有邮戳的明信片。女人真麻烦……
14. 别看不上你老婆挑的东西,你也不过就是其中之一……
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
