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2. “你为什么不排队？” “因为我没素质！” 卧槽，我竟然无言以对……
3. 女儿小学了，会做基本算数了，于是老婆出题考她。妈妈上班，开车去呢需要十分钟，如果骑自行车去呢需要二十分钟，今天妈妈用了十五分钟，请问妈妈是穿什么衣服上班的呢？这问题，我女儿彻底蒙了。。。
4. 走在大街上内急，我们常常会想起KFC，而你绝对不会想起任何一家中餐馆，这未曾不是一种隐藏的文化营销，所以人家可以把业务拓展到全球，总之，肯德基是一家可以出售快餐的全球连锁厕所。
5. 上课的时候伸了个懒腰，不小心打到了平胸的班主任。这还不是最尴尬的，最尴尬的是她的胸罩瘪了没弹回来……
6. 以前上初中那个时候，练习一个小品 《荆轲刺秦王》，在易水河畔，我本该说“壮士喝了这杯送行酒吧”一直彩排都好好的，演出的时候一紧张说“战士喝了这杯壮阳酒吧”......全校几千人顿时爆发了，荆轲同学笑跪了，然后我被笑了整整三年！
7. 有次女朋友上台表演，我在观众席看，旁边一个大叔看得挺专注的，我转过头问他：“怎么样。不错吧！”他：“嗯！”我特骄傲的说：“她是我女朋友！”“哦，我是她爸。”“噢...啊？！！叔...叔叔好！”
8. 在学校，数学老师羽绒服破了，用胶带临时粘起来，他从我面前走过，我就说老师，你衣服上有胶带，伸手就把胶带撕下来了，当时那个时候啊，羽毛漫天飞...
9. 男朋友嫌自己身份证上的照片丑，就故意把身份证藏起来，跟爸爸说身份证丢了去重补一张，大早上起床特意梳洗打扮一番，结果到了派出所户籍管理那边，人家直接给他用原来的身份证照片做的新身份证。要命的是，原来的还有两年就过期了，新补的这张时效是20年。
10. 一次在公交车的最后一排正中间坐了个人。由于公交车急跑急刹车。后面那人直接给甩到前面油箱上。然后他看着司机。就来一句，大哥。你找我有什么事儿吗？
11. 【爸爸和妈妈的区别】“爸，那孩子是谁啊？”“小明。”“妈，那孩子是谁啊？”“就是你二姨的那个邻居王阿姨的二儿子的孩子啊，叫小明，今年3岁了。人家很聪明的呢，还会算术，还会背诗……”
12. 年轻的时候我们以为自己是风，想往哪吹就往哪吹。后来才知道自己只是草，风往那边吹，我们就往哪边倒！
老公：“昨晚上吃饭可能得罪你爸了。” 老婆：“你干啥了？ ” 老公：“吃饭时我讲了一个成语狗仗人势时，被饭噎着了，只讲了前三个字。你爸问我，你是说我吗？我这时才说出最后一个字。”
老师：大家都来谈谈小时候做过的糗事。小明你先来。
小明：小时候洗澡看见小丁丁上有点脏，我就搓了搓，从此走上了不归路。
小红：我九岁第一次来大姨妈，打了120报警。
老师：都滚出去
丈夫知道妻子终于怀孕后，喜出望外，他想把好消息告诉所有人。于是用妻子的手机群发了一条短信----“我怀孕了！”。不一会妻子的妈妈回信“你丈夫不是不孕吗？你和小李又联系上了？”；过了一会儿姐夫回信“你打算怎么处理？”接着老同学回信“咱俩都半年没见了，你可别赖我身上。”同事回信“不是吧，这才两天呐！”领导回信“我给你一万，你休息一段时间吧！”客户回信“行啦，别吓唬我了，你明天再来我家一趟，我跟你签合同！”一陌生人回信“你离婚，咱们就把这孩子要了。”另一个陌生人回信“那天还有赵总呢，你不会说是我的吧？”还有一陌生人回信“别开玩笑啊，我早结扎了！”
世界上最悲催的事情莫过于。。。你精心安排的度假正好赶上她大姨妈。比最悲催更加悲催的事情莫过于。。。她大姨妈来的时候，碰巧她口腔溃疡，痔疮发作。比最悲催更加悲催的悲催的事情莫过于。。。她的手也受伤了。
你最危险的一次死亡经历是什么时候？”“是在三十年前，我差点被后面的精子追上”。。。
说：“现在呀，什么都讲高科技。过去到北京，骑驴要走半个月，现在坐火车，一晚上就到了。咱喂的那鸡，过去最少要多半年才华长成，现在有四十天时间就能宰着吃了。”乙释然开朗：“怪不得，我那小儿子结婚三个月就让我抱上大胖孙子了，高科技就是不简单呀！”
外面下暴雨我心急如焚要去给大学的女友送伞
出门前却接到女友电话说我哥们已经在校门口等她了
突然就很憋火晚上他敲开我家门我迎面就是一拳：搞老子女人搞上瘾了是吧!
他捂住被我打肿的脸颊苦笑：
我他妈最想搞的人是你下那么大雨老子能放心让你一个人去接那娘们吗
听我班主任讲的
我们校长有天路过学校后门突然听到一句:“我要考牛津!”
校长顿时感动不己没想到他们学校也有如此有志青年决定看看是哪位
忽然又听到一句:“再给我来两串大腰子!!!"
地铁里大家都捂住鼻子肯定是哪位没素质的又在地铁里吃肉包子
要不是我现在大便蹲着不方便不然肯定去教训一番
高中时一次，下午校长带着各班班主任查宿舍。
晚自习时老班让我们宿舍全体起立，
慢悠悠的掏出一盒大丰收烟问：“这是你们的？”我们点点头。
然后老班瞬间暴怒：“知道人家别班宿舍搜出来的都是啥烟？
最次的也比这贵两倍！当着全年级班主任的面我脸往哪放！”
刚看到报纸上报道有个14岁的女孩和人打赌说自己能在一年之内和100个男人发生性关系
这个社会是怎么了真让我感到悲哀
她还是个孩子竟然赌博！！
有一人独自在森林中冒险发现自己被食人族包围
于是对天空大喊：我死定了上帝救救我
只见天空传来一个声音：还不一定你捡起地上的大石头把带头的酋长砸死
于是他捡起一颗石头狠狠的砸向酋长正好把酋长砸死
族人全都呆了一呆接着怒目相向这时上帝说：现在你才真的死定了
小时候跟弟弟计划偷钱买东西吃有次被爸妈发现了要求我们案情重演
我指着五十元钱说：你看我们拿去买东西吃吧
这货居然来了句：不哥我们不能这样！
今天跟一同事一同坐电梯当电梯上升时这同事突然哈哈哈哈哈
我：你笑什么
他：没笑什么只是突然想起《泰囧》里的一句台词觉得好笑
我好奇的问：哪一句
他：电梯里有两2B
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
