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老婆怀孕，父母从家带了些家里的老母鸡来看我们，父母年龄大了，闲来无事，那天我爸就抱了一只鸡，拴了个绳子…………无语………他去溜鸡去了………
外甥女五岁了，超搞笑！一次我和我弟吵架，她拿起拖鞋，头也不抬的说:“谁敢欺负我小姨？谁敢欺负我小姨？”我弟瞪着她说:“我欺负了怎么滴？”她一下把拖鞋扔了，抱着我弟的大腿一脸贱笑的说:“没事，强舅，我就是问问！”瞬间被她的机智折服！
我姓孙，父母希望我比孙中山厉害两倍，于是我叫孙串出。
一天 老王遇见了一个大胸美女
老王:我给你一百万，你给我摸下胸好不？
美女立马脱下了衣服
十分钟后，
美女:你怎么不摸
老王:我没钱
一哥们15岁出门。农民工，现在24岁自己包工地3年多，资产200多万。白手起家。。MLGB，那一张嘴哟，叫一个厉害。硬是把他中学老师说出来给他做小工了。。人才啊。
咬咬牙，终于买小汽车了，真高兴啊，今后，我再也不用和老婆去抢那辆破电瓶车了！！因为…………因为…………因为………那辆电瓶车归我了>_<。
楼主医生，平时生病了被患者看到，问我，医生也生病，，这我也理解了。。
但是为什么今天卫生间碰见患者，问我医生也上厕所，，我再也淡定不了了，我也是人啊。。。。。
妹子酒店服务员一枚，此为背景。有次客人吃完饭都走了，我们几个服务员看剩很多好吃的。就在我们狂吃的时候有个客人回来拿酒。看到这一幕惊呆了。够糗吧
在路上，狂风暴雨，雷电交加，路人是到处躲雨，只见一熊孩子站雨中大喊“可是昆仑派道友在此度劫”！！！哈哈
昨天晚上男朋友来找我，为了秀楼主自己的厨艺，一共做了两个菜，一个糊了，一个做的口味轻了，看到男朋友狰狞的表情，我是不是木有抓住他的胃啊
在上班的那几天，早上醒来看时间还早，还能睡会，立马1秒睡着，然后在醒，发现才过3分钟，这感觉，爽，再睡。但是在星期天，醒来后就怎么都睡不着了。好神奇，中的顶，告诉我不止我一个人这样。。
老婆在家带小孩，（我妈也在家）
我爸今天跟朋友在外面喝酒，回到家里就跟我妈吵架，还动手。
于是我老婆跟我妈联手把我爸打住院啦，
不说了，
真是家门不幸那……
女人太可怕了，我同事，看了几个拐卖妇女的案子，非常担心，就跟他老婆说你以后小心点，我给你买个辣椒水你装包里防身。然后他老婆就非常开心的拉着他去买了个包用来装辣椒水。。
怀孕7个半月，话说这期间老公憋的很辛苦！而且家里家务全包，有好吃的也都留给我！今天老公生日，求28个赞！
有多少人，你第一次帮他的时候，他感恩戴德，第二次，他很感激，第三次开始习以为常，第四次，第五次开始觉得理所当然，突然有一次你没帮他，他就开始觉得你天理不容了……
经本人研究百分之九十的妹子在糗百照片都是p的，所以女人的虚荣心远远高于男人。导致男人更多的压力。纯属个人意见，不喜欢的可骂我，有同感的顶一下。
lz昨天相亲，女问:有房，车，存款没。lz摇了摇头，说没有。正要转身走，女的突然说了一句，我有。lz瞬间愣住。这是要当小白脸的节奏。
今天无意中看到非诚勿扰，上来一个男嘉宾比较矮，其他的女嘉宾都在安慰他，什么的，但到了最后都灭了灯，只有一个从开始都没说过话的女生，留了灯，我想说真爱面前并不是说说而已。
昨天发生的糗事，在超市一个小女孩在纠结买草莓味的饼干还是巧克力味的，最后选择草莓味的时候都快哭了，我看着心疼便递给她一盒巧克力味的。她妈妈说快谢谢姐姐。呵呵，谢我干嘛，等会儿去收银台结账的又不是我。
真人真事，本人女，18，昨天带五岁小侄子上街买吃的，遇到前男友和一女的走一起，当时各种尴尬，也不知道该说什么，这时小侄子神插话，姑～这吊逼我不是在你手机上见过嘛！本人比照片还丑！……我发誓，真不是我教的
12年前，聚会时拿出诺基亚，瞬间亮了。12年后，聚会时别人拿的iphone，我拿出诺基亚，又亮了。『转』 NOKIA 逝去的经典 不朽的支持
现在的大学呀:宿舍五个妹子，到了周末——两个跟男朋友住，一个和朋友去了酒吧街，一个家在北京。剩我一个开着灯到现在也不敢睡。呵呵，一年900权当住单间了
和爸妈一起看电视，见电视剧中的主人公抱着他的女儿亲个不停，我便对爸爸说：“你都没这样疼过我！”还没等我爸开口，我妈就说：“你长得有电视上的小丫头好看吗？这么丑，没把你扔掉就不错了！”
爸爸：“不换电脑，你才上初二，换好电脑干嘛？”
儿子：“我不换电脑，你只要帮我把主机，鼠标，键盘换了就行”
以上是在超市听到的一对父子的对话，爸爸竟然没有反驳，你是对电脑多不熟悉啊？儿子太会忽悠了
我本着试试的态度说了一句“约么”
“你把我当成什么人了”
“我把你当成我的优乐美”
“呦，你捧的动么？”
“你误会了，我只是想把吸管插进去。”
刚上初一时班里两个同在厕所打架，一位同学打冒火了把衣服脱下来在屎里搅了几转然后来了一个大风车，接下来…………我不想回忆了我怕明天吃不下早饭
公司一同事偷东西，被抓起来了，已经有一个礼拜了，他媳妇不知道，看他老公一个礼拜没回家了，手机也打不通，就去报警了说她老公失踪了，结果警察叔叔说，你不用找了，人在我这呢。。。。。。。在我这。。。。。我这。。。。。这。。。。
楼主女教师一枚，今天二学历考试，无奈去监考，本人心慈手软，不想为难学生，都是学生时代过来的嘛，但是你们好歹给我们留点面子吖，整个教室没有不抄的，纠结的我眼睛都不知道应该往哪看，孩子们，我在用我的工作在捍卫你们，好歹给个赞吧！
LZ女胖子减肥中，我喜欢听老公说我瘦了。晚饭后躺在床上问老公:我瘦了没有？老公摸着我的胳膊说:老婆，你的腰好细呀!
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
