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美女和她老妈一起去的，
聊天的时候男的对阿姨说:“我是公务员还有点小权利，
以后有什么事可以告诉我，我帮您。”
阿姨:“你是什么职务啊？”
男:“啊，我是在离婚办上班。”
阿姨:“……”
最近某医院有一个医疗纠纷，因为患者觉得医生不够专业。
那是一个初患肝病的男性病人，他到医院检查肝功能，医生让他验血。
一个星期后，这个病人拿到验血报告单，
一看，惊叫道:“我明明是男性，医生怎么竟然给我写成阴性？”
研究发现:桌子乱糟糟的人，比桌子整洁的人，创造力平均要高出50%；
经常迟到的人，比从不迟到的人，幽默感平均高出70%；
饭量大的人，比饭量小的人，情商平均高出90%；
研究还发现爱丟三落四的人更淡泊功利；
爱睡懒觉的人更具同情心。
一不小心，小编发现自己太优秀了！
领导是个严肃的小老头，很喜欢摆架子。
昨天是他的生日，请了我们一群员工去ktv。
吹完蜡烛之后我们都把奶油往对方脸上抹，但是领导架子高，所以没人敢抹他。
领导静静的坐在那里，脸色有点难看。过了一会，我发现领导不见了，
四处望望，发现领导正躲在角落里，偷偷往自己脸上抹奶油，
边抹还边说:“哎呀，怎么给我抹这么多奶油啊！”
妈妈手机壁纸换了几百次了，爸爸的壁纸依旧是妈妈的大脸。
妈妈说:“会不会看腻？”爸爸说:“不会！”
妈妈说:“想换就换吧，我不会不开心的！”
爸爸说:“不知道换什么。”妈妈说:“换张长腿大胸可爱死的妹子好了。”
爸爸说:“哦”，然后换成妈妈的一张全身照。
妈妈笑着说:“傻瓜，干嘛又换我！”
爸爸说:“可以控制玩手机的欲望！”
男:“如果缺钱了就告诉我。”
女:“好的，爱你。”
男:“我经常缺钱，可以教你怎么过缺钱的日子。”
女:“滚。”
朋友前天找经理请假，经理女的，各种不批。
朋友就各种拍马屁，您保养的真好，最多35岁之类的。
后来经理批了，就在昨天，他被开除了，我问:“为嘛？”
他说:“今天被开除后才知道经理才28！”
过年都要贴对联，大家也都会贴个福字，
福字呢很多都是倒着贴，寓意是“福到了”。
我在贴对联就想，何不来点创意，
就写了个钱字，然后倒着贴上了，寓意“钱到了”。
寓意不错，事来了，爹看见了，就问:“这谁贴的？”
苦逼的我还暗自高兴:“我贴的。”
接下来爹抡起巴掌就打，嘴里骂着:“败家子！我让你倒贴钱，我让你倒贴钱！”
昨天照了一下镜子，然后很沮丧，就跟老公说:“我刚照了照镜子，
发现今天的自己好丑，可以说是丑得不忍直视了啊!”
老公温柔的看着我说:“宝贝，我不允许你这么说你自己……”
我兴奋了，难道这个二货开窍了。
他接着说:“你可不是只有今天才丑的呀!”
下午窗口没人。有个小孩儿趴在我柜台上玩笔，
玩着玩着抬起头，伸手戳了戳玻璃，眨着水汪汪的大眼睛问我:
“你为什么被关起来了？”我笑着对他说:“因为姐姐不好好读书。”
他瘪瘪嘴:“你骗人。”我说:“真的，没骗你。”
他摇头，很认真地反驳我:“你就是骗人，你明明是阿姨。”
青年问禅师如何能快速致富。
禅师答:“只要你找齐传说中的七颗珠子就可以了。”
青年说:“是不是七龙珠？”
禅师:“不是，是双色球。”
老婆晚饭时说她闺蜜重塑了双眼皮开了眼角，整个人都变精神了，
她也想做做，我放下筷子，表情凝重的说：“媳妇，你现在如此够漂亮，我已经压力山大，你还要美容手术，是想甩了我吗！”(此时已有些哽咽)
老婆连忙笑着安慰：“别急嘛，我就是说说而已，没事没事啊乖。”
我重新拿起筷子，心中响起实话实说崔永元的声音：“
为了省个钱，你小子什么话都说的出来！”
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
