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本人大一妹子,有一群二货室友,我买了个火龙果回去,一进寝室,室友突然又捂着胸口很难受的样子我问她怎么了?
她:哎玛,我刚中毒了,急需一个火龙果救命,求求你,救救我。。。
滚!

我劝室友:Dota毁一生,小说穷三代!你还打Dota吗?
室友:就让它毁我一生吧,不能穷三代,孩子是无辜的。

教室走廊装的是声控灯,晚上和同学从自习室出来,室友手指上指,大声道:要有光。
然后亮了。。。

我大学毕业回到家,路过儿时的小学门口。
熟悉的大门,熟悉的小卖部大妈。
我怀着激动的心情走过去问道:“大妈,还记得我吗?”
大妈看到我也很激动:“是你啊,那年你还欠我两块钱没给呢。”

室友A:“恐怕这辈子再也找不到比上课更无聊的事了!”
室友B:“说这话就表明你是学渣+吊丝!你知道有多少学长学姐因为上课的时候无聊,在下面说话而相遇相知相恋最后走上婚姻的殿堂的吗?”

患进家属对保健医生说:“你那天在养生堂讲要吃海带,这几天我丈母娘天天吃海带。”
医生:“哦,那她还想吃什么,我明天上去讲。”

当一个老中医向自己病人的家属推荐去看西医,家属立刻反应迅速:“坏了,这下真的病了”。
当一个西医向自己病人的家属推荐去试试看中医,家属立刻张嘴就哭:“完了,这下真的没救了……”

孩子胳膊脱臼了,带村里私人诊所去瞅瞅,大夫是个花白胡子老头,老头拿了块巧克力放小孩头上说:我喊一二三,咱两谁抢到归谁!
一二三孩子一抬手抢到了,胳膊接好了。。。。次奥!!这样也行!!

吃感冒药,感冒药说明上说:吃药后有操作机械和驾驶障碍。
我问医生什么意思,医生说:就是打瞌睡。

本人实习医生一枚,有次随主任查房,问站在旁边的师兄:昨天你答辩怎么样?
此时一旁的病人抢答到:大便啊,我大便一直挺好的,只是昨天有点干。。。

一个病人,推开眼科的门,向医生有气无力道:“医生,请你快快救我,我已经三天没有吃饭了!”
眼科医生奇怪了,问道:“你不能吃饭,也不应该看眼科呀!”
病人道:“是我的假牙掉了,找了三天,还是找不到!”

小明因成绩全优而被校方授予“无良少年”称号 。

两大剑客对决,一个抖了抖手里的长剑说:“我今天代表正义取你小命,我这把是正义剑!”
另一个也毫不示弱抖了抖手里边长剑说:“有种放马过来,我这把是陈小春。”

“我和你妈掉水里了,你救谁?”
“救妈。”
“算我没白疼你!”舅妈摸着我的脑袋笑着塞给我一个红包。

病榻前。金正日拉着儿子的手,断断续续地嘱咐,“儿子,谨记五件事……一、坚持主体思想;二、继续发展核武;三、不忘民族统一;四、逐步改革开放;最后,也是最重要的,不要辜负……”
金正恩含泪望着咽气的父亲,不住点头。

一哥们点上炉子,放上平锅,待锅热了,往里面撒了些盐。
我们看明白他要做什么菜,就问:你干嘛呢。
这二货幽幽滴说:我考研



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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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