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2、女汉子伤不起办公室一共就我们三女的一日两男同事聊天，
A男：小苏人聪明细心但气质不够，属居家适用型，只适合做老婆不适合谈恋爱；
B问：那小郑呢？
A说：小郑人漂亮活泼但健忘粗心，属出行必备型，只适合谈恋爱不适合做老婆
lz嘴贱问那我呢？
此贱男鄙视一眼：你属于看家护院型
草尼玛勒戈壁！
3、记得第一次和女孩子约会'很单纯的见面吃饭而已，我主动帮她拿包，然后一块吃饭看电影逛街，然后晚上分开的时候才发现，尼玛包早不知道让我扔哪里去了，望着她满脸黑线的脸庞，我直接吓哭了有木有，给人家整整找了一晚上，腿都快断了，最后在饭店找找了，在她家门口等了一夜，还给她以后，再也没有联系过现在想来不胜唏嘘啊
4.割了冬天早上做公交车上班，人多多，半路上来一妹子，肚子微突，本人奔着糗百精神，神速让座让座后，两人相对笑笑，正让楼主觉得自己做了好事时，高潮来了，妹子从微突肚里拿出一热水袋，热水袋，热水袋
5、没xxoo～～～最近宿舍人扯到小学得了多少奖状，吃过多少满分，一个劲得瑟老六说了一句：牛逼啥，老子小时候考试都是零分，现在不也跟你们一个宿舍！！艹
6、LZ大四女汉子一枚，谁笑我割谁的鸡鸡，，今天坐游九公交车回学校，那可是相当的挤，眼看马上到站了就是挤不到门口，当我挣扎着从人群中挤下车的时候发现一只鞋还在车上，当我光脚在寒风中凌乱时，走了十几米的公交车窗飞出一只鞋来，顿时觉得人间自有真情在呀！有木有？
7、今天急匆匆跑去上课，老师说了让我终生难忘的话：XXX，你怎么来了，今天被子不够暖和跑来教室蹭空调？！
泥马，我是来上课的！！！！
8、今天上毛邓三，老师点名让我回答问题，当我答完时，老师点评说，“除了刚才这位同学念的那段，这页剩下的都是答案”，老师能给点面子么
9、在某宝上买了瓶卸妆油，说是买一送七，今天到货，打开一看，哇好多赠品啊，有面膜棒，化妆棉，压缩面膜，面膜小样，幸运手链，好多东东啊，可是尼玛，我的卸妆油呢？我冷静下
10、LZ妹纸，今天下班回家发现邻居家刚上一年级的孩子坐门口哭，她妈在旁边一直笑，问了才知道，原来老师安排这孩子和全班一起表演民族舞，她节奏感太差，人家都跳完了她才跳一半！但她谨记着上台前老师说的跳错没有关系但一定要跳完！然后，她在全校面前在没有任何背景音乐的情况下一个人手忙脚乱的跳完了剩下的半支舞~
『雷总，如何定义那些没钱却又想要装逼的城乡结合部的没文化的S……青年？』 『就叫他们发烧友吧。』话音未落，全场响起了雷鸣般的掌声。
一直用邻居的无线网络，今天他家的路由器可能是宕机了，为了重启他家路由器，去走廊把他家电闸拉下来又合上。
昨晚在QQ群里玩视频的时候….一哥们说….不聊了….我媳妇水都放好了!我们正在感慨这哥们真幸福的时候….那边传来他媳妇的声音,XX!快来洗碗!水都凉了!
女朋友眼里，男人的观点分为两种：1、你同意我。2、你不爱我
当我讨厌一个人的时候，如果这个人突然说喜欢我，那我就一点也不讨厌对方了。就是这么有原则，无法讨厌一个有眼光的人。
雾霾天气席卷大半个中国,让当地居民有种一边走一边加载地图的赶脚……
王健林跟王思聪说,我准备给你5个亿,你先干上5年,争取上20次当!王思聪很高兴:爸爸,你什么时候把钱转过来呢?王健林:恭喜你,你现在还有19次当了
世界上有种闹钟叫做“吵醒的永远不是主人而是舍友”
学校组织体检，兄弟我很没有道德的插队了… 一女同学就不乐意了：“你干嘛插我前面？” 兄弟很无耻的邪恶了一下“我没插你前面啊！” 结果这可爱的妹子还没反应过来：“你就插我前面了…” 旁边的男同学都笑喷了。 于是我说“好吧，我承认我插了，那我插你后面去…”
quora上的一个两句话恐怖小说——我轻拍我的儿子哄他入睡,儿子说:爸爸,你看看我床底下有一个妖怪。我趴到地上看床底下——看到另一个他,我的儿子,他在床下轻声对我说:爸爸,有人在我床上。
上次去参加补考，在半路碰到一个同学他问：“挂了几科？”
我说：“两科，你呢？”
他说：“一科没挂。”
我说：“厉害！”
后来去补考第二科，发现他从考场出来，我问：“你不是说一科没挂吗？”
他说：“是呀，就一科没挂，其他的全挂了……”
本来抱着大哭一场的念头去观摩将爱情进行到底，结果从头笑到尾。波尔多那一场戏，徐静蕾对李亚鹏说：“带我走吧。” 李亚鹏答：“大象怎么办？”（大象是徐静蕾的儿子）。 结果您猜怎么着？邻座一个观众很严肃的说：装冰箱呀！
一条新闻说HTC拦住了劫匪的子弹，救了主人一命。 有外国人不服了：如果是用我们Nokia，子弹早已经反弹回去干掉劫匪了。 咱中国的有志青年真给力！如果是用我们的山寨机不仅可以把子弹挡回去，还可以自动扫射，智能识别匪徒！期间一直循环播放月亮之上和最炫民族风背景音乐。
当幼师的朋友跟我说，上课的时候，发现班里有个小姑娘一副心事重重的样子 看着她叹气，一下课朋友就问她：”宝宝你今天怎么了？”， 她拉起我朋友的手，摸索着她的手背忧愁的说： “哎，都年底了你还没个对象，全班都为你操碎了心啊……” 朋友当时就愣住了。
新上任的领导有点抽疯，就算迟到五分钟也逃不过去， 非得当着全办公室的人对他深鞠躬，诚恳的说：”对不起，我来晚了”。 某日，愤怒的大家约好一起迟到了五分钟，然后统一着装黑衣服， 一脸凝重，在公司门口给等待的领导一鞠躬， 然后说:”领导，对不起，我们来晚了”。
真希望哪天走在路上，遇到一个房地产开发商摔倒了，然后我把他扶起来，他微笑着给了我一个房产证就走了。我喊道，老板，你的房产证！然后老板转过头，微笑着对我说：”不，是你的房产证”~
一同事抽完烟酷爱吐口水，今天又是。 一路边走边吐，旁边的同事看不下去了问”你怎么走两步就吐一次口水啊？” 这货扭头来了一句”怕迷路啊…”
WOW流传的一个著名笑话：某德鲁伊PK不过，变成熊跑到一堆真熊里头猫着，然后被捶死……
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
