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他高兴的说：喜欢。
于是我就把他卖给当地人了。
去相亲，女孩儿一见我居然吐了，场面很尴尬，我还打趣的说到“是不是我长得太丑了？！！”
她连忙解释“不是，不是！是我怀孕了！”
听完我松了口气，不嫌我丑就好，然后我们就很愉快的聊了起来！！！
第一次陪喜欢的女生吃猪扒饭，我静静的看着她不怎么淑女的可爱吃相。发现我在偷看之后她脸一红，嗔道：“看什么呢？”，我突然有些紧张，就随口说道：“没什么，你吃你的，我在看猪扒饭呢！”，她正在扒饭的动作一顿……
本人女人缘不错，微博中很多妹子留言。直到有一天，女友给我留了一条：老公，昨晚你好厉害哦！
从此，微博日渐冷清。
我想说的是：这条留言好比狗在电线杆上撒泡尿。八婆，你这是在划地盘么？
一二货朋友问“知道为什么女生坐公交喜欢穿低胸装吗”
“为什么啊”
“因为这样才有人给她让座…”
昨晚带了个妹子回家，我在卧室里对她说：“我会让你享受这辈子都不曾有过的体验。”
“真的？”她微微一笑。
“当然是真的。——来，穿上这套小鸡戏服。”
兄弟打电话叫我出去打篮球，说他在我家楼下等我是这样哥么等LZ到了一楼，发现台阶上坐着一个穿着和我死党一样的衣服的人，看着他的背影，我上去就对着他 的头来了一巴掌，说：走了！等那个人转过来才发现认错认了这不是高潮，高潮是那哥们一脸惶恐的看着我，说他马上就走后来才知道那哥们是在那里蹭wifi
乘公交时，眼前突然出现了死神。
“你的大限将至。”死神对我说。
“怎么可能呢！一定是弄错了！”我大叫争辩，“我还这么年轻这么健康！”
“不，没有弄错。”他说完，伸手指了指女司机。
苏格兰民族党表示，如果苏格兰独立，他们要求：
保留英镑作为货币。
保留皇室。
保留BBC节目。
你们这是想跟老婆离婚但是每晚照常回家喝下午茶照样上床打炮是吧。
跟闺蜜坐公交，车特挤闺蜜守着一个座位站好久，好不容易等到座位上的人下车了，旁边一大妈一个抛物线把包包扔到座位上。。。
闺蜜直接无视坐下，微笑着把包包递给大妈：“阿姨您的包掉了”
女朋友至今没有耳洞，今日问我要不要去打？
我说：你不是怕疼不打么？
她说：我室友说了，不打耳洞的话，结婚的时候少件首饰！！
哥们周末要结婚，他的世界春天来了。我们怀着满满的祝福，给他点了一首幸福的歌：《春天在哪里》——春天在哪离啊，春天在哪离，春天在那青翠的山林离。那里有红花呀，那里有绿草，还有那会唱歌的小黄哩~离离离离离离离~离离离离离~离离离离离离离~离离离离离…
Pol.ice：“你当时都做了什么？老实交代！”
我：“当时就是到李女士公司拜访一下她，看看有无具体合作意向。结果她说她很忙没时间跟我谈，所以我拍拍屁股就走人了。”
Pol.ice：“问题是你拍人家李女士的屁股干嘛？”
女孩出国答应男友回国就成婚，男孩电话短信不曾间断。当女孩子发高烧时，他心焦如焚。
女孩一年多就修到了硕士，却嫁给了别人。
女孩子对他说：你的爱情是让我感动！但当我在大雪天走出教室冻得浑身颤抖时，是我丈夫的车及时停在眼前。
他无奈道：就因为这样你就要嫁给我的司机？！
男友要上网，问我开机密码是什么。
我回答：“你生日。”
他顿了顿，回过头去，过了一会他问：“是阴历吗？怎么不对？”
我推开他，无比得瑟地在键盘上输入：nishengri。
朋友给他女友从韩国带的除皱霜听说效果很好，
他女友第一次用第二天早上起来一照镜子发现双眼皮没了...
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
