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昨天接到一个朋友给我打电话,
他在人流特多的商场逛,聊的正起劲,
忽然他跟我说:''刚才有个男的撞了我一下,我看看东西少了没啊。''

然后,过了一会大喊一声''****,我电话被偷了!你TM给我站住!''……………

一天和同事路过他女友家楼下,看到他丈母娘被两个人打,
于是我说:“你还不去帮忙?”
他咬牙切齿的说到:“不用!他们俩人就够了!”

我大学刚毕业来这家IT公司面试的时候,HR语重心长的对我说:
虽然薪水不多,但是你可以在这里获得快速的成长,这对年轻人来说是最重要的。
现在,两年过去了,HR没有骗我,我看起来已经像是40岁的人了。

我一高中同学,晚上,一哥们哭着说jj出血了。
原来那货在床上撸 ,劲使大了……
这不是gc,gc是:
找来管理老师送去医务室,
医生来了一句很经典的:同学你要坚挺住呀!软了就不好包扎了!

在车站等公车的时候,有一MM一直盯着我微笑,我以为自己帅+伟岸,原地踱了几圈,各种摆造型~于是MM也笑得愈发妩媚。没得意一会,一边的大妈忍不住冲上来说:“小伙子,别在屎上踩来踩去的好吗?”

二货老婆上完厕所以后居然还胖了0.2斤。
对视三秒以后喊道:“我真的什么都没吃...”
我应该相信她么...

晚上公司加班,正巧电脑出了点问题,急得不行,让哥们远程协助给解决下,
等他开始弄,我就去上厕所去了,回来的时候看我位置那里人声鼎沸的,
挤进去一看,爱情动作片正激烈呢!!
尼玛逼,谁让你远程上老子电脑看片的!!!
你开门,老子保证不打死你!!!

朋友抱怨总是便秘,我拿起一根香蕉向他建议:“通通肠胃吧。 ”
过一会他回来了,我问他效果如何,
他皱皱眉摇头道:“感觉没啥用啊。” 说完把香蕉还给了我。

我和女朋友是异地恋,她在云南,而我在上海!她有个刚上初中的妹妹。
有天早晨,我拨通了小姨子的电话,准备问问女朋友考试啊什么的!
电话接通了,电话那头吐出迷迷糊糊的声音(估计还没起床)。
小姨子:谁啊。
我:你姐夫。
小姨子:你有病啊,你不是跟我姐在隔壁吗?

和老婆去和羊汤,可是小姐上了羊汤没给汤勺。
  于是我大声的喊道:"小姐,我要瓢"。
  小姐看了我一眼,害羞的低下头,继续做着事。
  我又大声的喊了一声:"小姐,我要瓢"。正当小姐不知所措的时候,老婆一巴掌扇过来。
  怒道:"瓢瓢瓢,瓢你个蛋啊!不会喊勺子啊"。

  生病去看医生,嫌苦不想吃药。
  医生劝道:“你不服怎么好得起来呢?”
  我倔强的说:“那我还是不服。”
  没想到他对着我头上就是一板砖。
  我说:“你TM干嘛打我!”
  医生冷笑说:“呵呵,砖治各种不服。”

飞机上,空中小姐正在发午餐。
“先生,我们有鸡肉套餐和鱼肉套餐,您要哪种?”
“我要排骨。”
“不好意思,先生,我们有鸡肉套餐和鱼肉套餐,您要哪种?”
“我要排骨。”
“好的先生,您是要鸡排还是鱼排?”

真的对不起,我的洁癖实在是太严重了,
那天我在酒吧看到一个姑娘身上太脏了,便强行把她拖到我家给她洗了个澡。
事实经过就是这样的,审判长。



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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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