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1. 今天挤公交,兜里装着MP4听歌,听到一首歌结束后,等了一会还没有放下一曲,第一反应是没电了,然后伸手往兜里摸,然后发现MP4不见了。
2. 老师:小明,你的梦想是什么?小明:我只希望老师别再让我滚出去了。老师喝了口水,故作和蔼的说:我不会再让你滚出去了。小明:老师你真好!我以后再也不往你杯子里吐口水了。然后小明被抬了出去……
3. 接一电话,自称是某大学的总裁班招生,我说有兴趣,对方问我从事什么行业,我:IT和通讯的周边服务,对方问运作方式,我:在人群密集的街道和地下通道提供咨询和直营销售,他说具体点?我:是智能高端数字通讯设备表面高分子化合物线性处理。他坚持:能不能通俗点。我:“手机贴膜”,对方把电话挂了。
4. 小明爸爸过河的时候掉进水里了,小明坐在河边哭。河神从水里升上来:拿出一个金正日:小朋友,这个是你的爹么?小明哭着说:不是。河神又拿出一个李刚:小朋友,这个是你的爹么?小明哭着说:不是。河神笑了,说:你真是个诚实的孩子,那我就放心了,捞尸费3万,罚款五万。
5. 随着各大城市房价的攀升,坊间传闻生下来就坐拥豪华螺旋房的蜗牛备受姑娘们的欢迎。蚂蚁和蜗牛自小自由恋爱,但蚁妈妈一直不同意这门亲事。蜗牛很沮丧问蚂蚁:“我有这么大的房子,你妈为什么不同意我娶你。”蚂蚁被问急了,才脱口嗫嚅到:“我妈说你背的不是豪宅,远看近看都像一坨屎。”蜗牛:“艹。。。”
6. 刚刚下课,一哥们兴冲冲地奔向厕所,不料厕所里竟然没有一个空位!哥们左顾右盼,发现有一个同学站在那里抽烟,于是问:同学,你方便吗?同学:不方便!哥们:泥马,不方便你占着厕所干啥?吃屎啊?
7. 寒假回家过年。去逗我5岁的小侄女,然后她跟我拜年:“叔叔恭喜发财,红包拿来。”我只是一个大学生,身上也没钱,就说:“等叔叔过两年有钱了再给你个大红包。”可这丫头扭头就走,还甩下一句:“这么小气还想聊妹子!切!”我……
8. 央视曝光说职业乞丐一天赚2000元,到晚上就去喝啤酒吃大闸蟹。看到这则新闻心情久久不能平静,想想自己每个月那么点工资,我不禁想问问那些乞丐:你们真不知道吃海鲜不能喝啤酒的吗?
9. 甲:“你借我的东西为什么总是不还?”乙:“这一点点东西,有什么值得还的!”甲:“不,只要是我的东西,你借了都得还!”乙:“哎呀,好吧,请你再借给我一卷卫生纸,我一千个保证,用完以后绝对还!”
10. 有个年轻人过的很抑郁,于是他去找大师。年轻人:大师,为什么我的生活如此艰难!大师没有说话,只是指了指自己面前的空饭碗。年轻人:哦!我明白了,大师您是想告诉我要四大皆空,就象这空碗一样抛空一切的烦恼吗?大师:抛个毛线啊!我只是想告诉你没给钱我怎么帮你算啊!我的生活也很艰难好不好
11.车站一乞丐拿一纸上写着" 我是聋哑人,请给我点钱."走到我面前,我随口说了句我不识字,他说我饿,给我点钱吧,我顿时惊诧了你不是聋哑人吗,他也诧异你不是不识字吗,这人之间都没信任了吗?

1.外甥五岁了,今天听他唱了首国歌,瞬间觉得高大上:我们万众一心,抱着敌人的老婆,前进,前进,前进进…听完后我也是醉了

2.高中女老师(教地理的),上课不喜欢穿内衣,经常顶着两个小点点就来给我们上课了,还一甩一甩的,我们只能憋足气的夸她今天穿的衣服好好看!

3.在公司附近捡了只鹦鹉,好吃好喝的在家养了一段时间,老妈说它整天被关在笼子里怪可怜的,所以今天早上放生了。谁知下午它又自己飞回来了,还带回来一个同伴!两家伙自己飞进鸟笼悠哉悠哉的吃着!

4.我是一个酒店的厨师!最近小苹果火了!我们所有的厨师一边炒菜一边唱着:你是我的小呀小苹果,怎么炒菜都不沾锅。感觉好有节奏感!哈哈

上初一那会儿,中午回家吃完饭,闲着没事 做,看见老爸在睡午觉,就偷偷把老爸的头上 用大红皮筋扎了两个冲天辫,后来我就去上学 了,晚上回来我老妈跟我说,老爸醒了没照镜 子顶着两个冲天辫就去上班了,结果把单位的 同事笑的半死……

记者:大爷,请问您平时是怎么养生的呢? 大爷:就抽烟,喝酒,通宵上网打游戏。 记者:那您今年贵庚啊? 大爷:我今年27。。。

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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