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昨晚老婆亲了我一下，楼主N……的说了句你嘴 怎么跟男人的一样粗糙。老婆当时凌乱了，我 也感觉好像哪里不对。
班主任特狠，大家都怕他。有一次正上自习地 震了。大家往外跑，结果一男生看见我班班主 任，大喊一声老师来了，条件反射，大家就又 都跑回教室了。。。
老师：小明，你的梦想是什么？小明：我只希 望老师别再让我滚出去了。老师喝了口水故作 和蔼的说：我不会再让你滚出去了。小明：老 师你真好！我以后再也不往你杯子里吐口水 了。然后小明被抬了出去……
一男中了五百万大奖，找到女友说：“亲爱的，我中了五百万，咱俩分了吧！”
女友感动的直点头，当男的说要分手时，女大骂：“尼玛，老娘还以为你要跟我分钱！”
刚看到一小孩吃着棒棒糖背着书包，蹦蹦跳跳的可能要回家。我走过去问道：“小朋友，放学回家呀！就你自己一个人吗？”
小朋友：“对呀，今天我爸爸没来接我。”
我：“哈哈，天助我也！TMD，把你嘴里的棒棒糖拿来，不然老子我打你。”
“走，去帮我搬下东西。”
“去哪？”
“超市，刚刚我在那里偷吃东西，不想到被他们抓住了。不过超市老板真是个好人，他说如果下次我再去的话，一定让我吃不完兜着走……”
男友对她说：“昨晚梦见你了，早上起来内裤湿了一大片。”
她害羞的问男友：“到底梦见什么啦？”
男友回答：“梦见你卸了妆，把我吓尿了！”
我室友今天出门手机被偷了，他拼了命追了十几公里终于把小偷追上了。
小偷从腰中摸出一把匕首吼道：“尼玛太抠了一个200多块的手机你追了老子十几公里，我他妈一刀捅死你个死逼孩子！”
室友当时脸都吓绿了，哆嗦着说：“大哥你误会了，我追你是给你送充电器的。”
最近身体不好，连续去医院打了三天针。
打针的护士跟我熟了，问我：“你咋都是一个人来，男朋友呢？”
我脑子也不知道怎么抽抽了，想都没想就说：“这不是周末嘛，他在家陪老婆孩子呢。”
尼玛，这周围都怎都是目光如炬的看我啊。。。
昨天路边找算命的看手相，男左女右嘛。
想不明就问问：为什么男左女右？
算命的：因为男子右手杀气太重。
诶？⊙▽⊙
有一天黑社会老大强哥发现自己在报纸上发表的《组织文化与领导》遭到了抄袭，他勃然大怒叫来了小弟对其吩咐说：“实在不能忍，你去把他举报了！”
两天后小弟回来。
强哥问：“举报了吗？”
“嗯！”
“怎么说？”
“有点紧！”
大学时同屋一哥们，抽烟把裤子大腿处烧了个黄豆大的洞。
我建议他别穿了，女同学看见多不雅观啊。
这家伙不理，继续穿，还对我说：在你眼里这是只是个小洞，对于女同学来说，这是致命的诱惑！
今天坐出租车，上车后司机一直在用广播听笑话，一直在笑，笑着笑着…
不知咋滴突然就面色凝重起来，然后他用特无辜的眼神看着我说：艹，刚刚坐车那人没给钱
去买泳衣，一姑娘试了之后有点大，老板说没事，下水了就贴身上了。
姑娘说我这是去海边，万一浪大了泳衣脱落了怎么办。
老板说：放心吧，随便你啥样的浪都没事。。。
问：如果你的情敌掉在河里了，他不会游泳，而你会，你该怎么办？
答：在他身边游来游去。。
去河边散步，看见一个女的哭着要跳河，心想：不会是这么看不开要轻生吧。
我当时就急了，冲到河边对着河水撒了泡尿，然后那女的鄙视的看了我一眼……就走了！
上班路上看见一位年轻女孩顶着台风撑着伞急匆匆的走在路上，想到每个人都为了生存而在这个世界上不停的奔波着，看着她在风中那娇小的身躯被吹的左右摇摆，忽然就莫名的心酸起来……
我都盯着她看这么久了，台风怎么还没把她裙子吹起来啊，急死人了！
最近发现酒店新来的同事中奇葩太多，一次吃饭在为客人服务时客人点了酒水，问服务员这酒是多少度的。
同事说了一句话，那真是经典！“领导您摸摸就知道了”
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
