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下课老师问小明知错了么，小明说知道了，老师问错哪儿了。
小明说：“打架不该占用上课时间，应该下课打。”
班里来了新美女老师，在黑板画图的时候突然画错了，老师赶紧说对不起画错了。
有个同学高兴着说，没事，没事，其实我们也没看黑板都是在看你呢！
醒了很久了，看着室友们都睡得很香，生怕吵醒他们，连出门都小心翼翼的，回头看了看他们，哎，算了，还是快走吧，赶不上期末考试了。
室友说他手机坏了，好几天都没响过，让我给看看，我仔细研究了一会儿，一下将手机“砰”一下砸在了地上，兴奋道：你听！响了！
一个漂亮的新生学妹在门口等人帮他搬行李，我跑过去问她“学妹要搬行李吗？”
学妹很激动“真的啊？学长人真好！太谢谢了”
我说“不用谢，要搬你自己搬呗，我又不搬”
我对媳妇说：“老婆，我很久都没有那种心惊肉跳的感觉了。”
第二天媳妇带我逛了珠宝首饰店。。。
今天看老婆杀鱼笨手笨脚的样子想羞辱他一下，就问：你和猪什么关系啊？
谁知她扭过头回：夫妻关系...
我和老婆闹别扭，就在小房间睡觉。她拿把大剪刀给我的蚊帐剪了个大口子，说：让蚊子咬死你！
过了大概一个小时，老婆拿着透明胶来了，把刚刚剪坏的蚊帐黏在一起了！
我的心啊，这个感动的啊，心想老婆就是刀子嘴豆腐心，还是很心疼自己的！
我刚要说什么，她自言自语：蚊子进去的差不多的了，别让他们跑了。
晚上老婆说要分担家务，就问我：洗碗跟拖地你选哪个？我说洗碗。
洗完碗后老婆又问：洗小孩跟拖地你选哪个？我说拖地。
拖完地老婆又问：洗衣服和洗小孩你选哪个？我说洗小孩。
洗完小孩老婆又问我：洗衣服带小孩睡觉你选哪个？我说洗衣服。
洗完衣服看到老婆和孩子睡着了，我忽然觉得好像哪里不对。。。
我问男朋友A罩杯到底有多大？
他说：你把腿伸直，摸摸你的膝盖，差不多就这么大，我以丰富的经验向你保证。。。
两男子同时喜欢上了一个姓曲的女网友！ 为了暗示美女，其中一男子把网名改成了“狂想曲！”
另一男子见状，思前想后，将网名改成了“疯狂的插曲！”
后来，女网友果断答应了“疯狂的插曲！”
深夜和同事搓麻，一同事老婆打来电话：“老公，家里下水道堵了，你不回来我让别人捅了”
同事立马起身走人了。
别的男人都在外面为了老婆奋斗，老婆默默的在后面给老公打气。
而我也在为了老婆奋斗，回到家后我还要为老婆打气。
什么情况。。。。。
大脑召集身体各器官开会。
心脏说道：“大人，我想申请退休。主人吃大多油炸的东西，搞得我的动脉都阻塞了。”
大脑说：“我会考虑你的申请，谁还有意见，请起立发言。“
胃站起来说道：“我有意见，这家伙吃了三十年的辣椒，我再也受不了了，我要退休。”
大脑答道：“我会考虑，谁还有话要说？“
这时会场后方传来一阵微弱的发言。
“是那一位？”大脑宏亮的声音在会场回响“请站起来说话。”
“大人”细小的声音说道：“如果我站得起来，我就不必退休了。”
刚出来找工作的时候，不知道找啥工作，就看墙上贴的那些招聘广告，墙上贴的蛮多，看的人也很多。
我看见前边墙角有个人在看，我也就过去看看，刚到那里啥还没看呢，那人就冲我嚷：看啥看，没见过撒尿呀。
小明是盗窃团伙的新成员，这一天老大让他去偷一栋写字楼的办公室，没有经验的他在写字楼下来回踱步，思考着怎么才能进入办公室里去。
当他走到报刊亭前，突然眼前一亮，紧锁的眉头舒展了开来，指着一本书问道：“老板，这本《Office入门教程》怎么卖？”
今早有人来敲门说：“您好，能否占用您五分钟的时间做一份问卷，我们想征询一下您的意见。”
我说：“哎呀这真不好意思啊老兄，我的意见现在不在，她出门买东西去了啊。”
早上去学校在门口被拦下来问话为什么没穿校服！今天不是星期六吗？谁规定星期六就可以不穿校服的！那你告诉我是谁规定星期六要上学的！
我说完头也不回地走了，留下那个老师一个人在风中凌乱，我TM就是个送快递的你给我发校服啊！！
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
