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.大婶脸大,但是最近瘦了十来斤。对着镜子顾影自怜:“瞧这小瓜子脸!”大叔在旁边偷偷嘀咕:“你那是瓜子他妈的脸——向日葵!”

2.昨天约好下班和老婆逛街,在步行街碰头。
刚到老婆就发短信给我:“我5分钟后到。如果没到,请再读一遍此短信。”

3.“我饿了”是一句很考验人的话……
当你对你妈说:妈,我饿了…….你妈会起身说:我去给你弄吃的。
对爸爸说:爸,我饿了…… 爸爸就会笑笑说:好,我们到外面去吃。
女生对男朋友说:唉,我饿了……他就会温柔的说:想吃什么咧。
大叔对大婶说:唉,我饿了……她永远只会回答:“我也是……”

4.吃完晚饭跟老婆一起看央视的一档节目,嘉宾点评时喜欢引用论语。
大婶:“诶,这人怎么每句话开头都离不开孔子?”
大叔:“那是为了显的有学问啊,我决定了,以后每句话开头都是老子。”

5.外出旅游,在树林里便便后发现没带手纸,给大婶打电话求救。大婶:“你找片树叶不就解决了!”我:“尼玛这是松树林!!!”

6.大叔去楼下超市买东西,超市门口花店女老板问:“先生买花么?”“买花干什么啊。!?”“买花送女朋友啊!”“哦,买多少花能送个女朋友啊?”老板MM默默地把花收回去了……

7.朋友说:“杀一个人,是杀人犯;杀十个人,是杀人狂魔;杀几千条生灵,是战场上的将军;杀几十万条生命的,是英雄!”大叔说:“是啊,闲着没事就杀死几亿条生命的……是宅男……”

8.大婶让儿子没事多看看小说,练练文笔。于是,有一天语文老师让写篇《我的妈妈》,要求做到雅俗共赏。 只见儿子这样写道:“我的妈妈穿着一件雪莲般的白纱裙,如云一般飘进厨房,用她的纤纤玉手握着一把菜刀,用力刮着土豆皮……”

9.星期天大叔在街上逛,突然听到路边一间屋里有人叫:“再一会儿可就到明朝了啊……再过一会儿就到唐朝了哈,你要什么朝代的赶紧说,过了可就回不来了!”大惊,难道是传说中的时空机器现世了?探头一看,原来是一工人在用喷砂机做假古董……

10.朋友收到份匿名信,内容如下:__水,__风,__烟,__奖,__查,__取,__空,__签。
他花了很长时间都无法理解其中涵义,只好求助大叔。
大叔看了看后,一脸严肃的对他说:你最近得罪什么人了吧?小心啊。
他一脸疑惑:为啥?
大叔说:很明显,这封信是说你…欠抽。

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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