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第二，爸爸还没做好心理准备，不想太早做爷爷。。
俺妈经常跟我唠叨说：“你爸总不听我的，要不然咱们家早发了！”
有一次我想哄我妈开心，就表决心说：“妈，我以后绝对不跟我爸学，肯定听我老婆的话，让她理财！”
我妈满脸黑线：“没出息的东西！”
女儿快要开学了，临走前一天老爸一直闷闷不乐，深感父女情深搞得各种不想走睡不着，半夜听到老爸深深叹了一口气。。。
女儿在隔壁房间强忍泪水，然后老爸忧伤的声音悠悠传来：从明天开始又要洗碗了……
“小明，爸妈不在家也别老玩游戏，好好看看书。”“哦好。”小明不情愿地放下手柄，刚认真盯着看了五分钟，“你...你还是玩游戏吧..”叔叔红着脸仓促道。
爸爸：“你是不是又打魔兽了！你班主任刚刚打电话说你成绩直线下滑。说过多少次沉迷游戏不好，你全忘干净了是吧，你TM倒是说句话啊！你信不信老子分分钟踢你出公会啊！”
儿子：“卧草，爸，我错了，我现在就去学习！！！别踢我！！！
家有小表姐一枚，大学毕业三年无男友，一日，她爸喝醉，就问她说：“你咋不谈恋爱呢？是不是没人追。”
姐姐回答：“不是，追我的人太多，我才在里面择优录取，还没选好。”
她爸突然笑了，说：“我就喜欢女儿这种性格，没人追，还敢吹。”
一天，爸爸问儿子考试考了多少分。
儿子答：“语文46分，数学54分，共计100分。”
爸爸说：“共计这门课考得不错，继续努力。”
放学老爸来接我，等了很久都没等到我，后来他回家后就把我打了一顿。
说我逃课，不去上学，我很冤，我爸说我在你们小学门口等了一个小时呢！
我含着泪说爸，我现在初一了！！
一父亲教育儿子，总是使用暴力，动不动就拳打脚踢。左邻右舍劝都劝不住，看着小孩可怜，就帮忙报了警。
Pol.ice对这位父亲说：“为什么这样打小孩？”
这位父亲理直气壮：“打是亲，骂是爱，爱得不够用脚踹！”
朋友A：明天我又要去相亲了。
朋友B：这回又是哪个亲戚给你介绍的呀？
朋友A：是我爸。
朋友B：那这次肯定靠谱，你可要好好准备啊。
朋友A：他网友的孩子。。。
早上起床心情挺好， 于是特别小清新的对老公说：“每天醒来看见你和阳光都在，那就是我要的未来！”
自认为特别感人！
二货老公却说：“杨光是谁？”
爷爷想要计步器。爸爸就给他买了个。顺便给自己买了个更贵更好的。
结果爷爷一眼看中后者，毫不客气拿走。
奶奶安慰爸爸说，你爸就是这样，烧包，贪心。
爸爸豁达地说没什么啦，他要就给他呗。
奶奶眼巴巴地看着老爹手中的另一个计步器说，像我，就不太挑剔……
爸爸就默默地将另一个塞给了她。
今天早上起床，在刷牙的时候，我老妈突然在我身后拍了我屁股一下，暧昧地说道“小伙子，身材不错”
然后豪笑地跑回房间，对我爸说“老家伙，你输了，儿子没有说我神经病。”
我。。。差点把牙膏吞了。。。
妈：“我记得你很喜欢玩水是吗？”
儿子：“是啊”
妈：“那你去把碗洗了吧！”
和老爸聊天，帮他修电脑，于是使用了远程访问，用完了忘记关。
我跟爸说：“爸，我想买个iPad看书”。
于是我看到了爸在那边打字：“要多少钱啊”，然后逐字删掉，换上另一句话：“[自动回复]您好，我现在有事不在，一会再和您联系……”
早上醒来，老公给我按摩，还柔声的道：“老板。舒不舒服啊？如果舒服，可记得给小费哦。”
我冷冷一笑，道：“姑娘好手艺，敢问是那里人啊？”顺手往下一摸，故意恍然大悟：“哦，姑娘原来是泰国人啊。”
二货老公对两岁儿子吼：“你吃我的，住我的，睡我的，居然敢让我滚蛋！”
我问他儿子睡你什么了。
他说：他不每天都抱着你睡吗。
刚从单位辞职，赋闲在家。
今天正和老妈在家玩电脑，单位文员来电话说有些事需要我再去一趟。
急中生智，告诉她我已经在火车上了，去外地上班。
文员MM将信将疑，就在这时，我的老妈在旁边吆喝，“啤酒，香烟，矿泉水了，来，脚收一下”
文员瞬间挂断了电话。老妈，大恩不言谢了！
女儿：我爸最疼我了，在我记忆中他从来没打过我。
父亲：我以前很凶，小孩不听话就打，直到有一次把闺女打失忆了……后来后悔死了。。。
我觉得我爸是世界上最难以理解的人了。要过生日让他送我礼物，结果他神秘兮兮地消失了一天。
回来手上拿了个礼盒，说里面有小精灵要在凌晨两点半打开，我还真熬到两点半打开，结果开盒发现……里面整整一盒速溶咖啡，上面写着：熬夜，工作，疲劳时，一杯咖啡给你好心情。
儿子：“爸，我女朋友怀孕了，我想和她结婚。”
爸爸：“哪个？”
儿子：“还有那个！上次回家不是给你们看了吗？”
爸爸：“啊，有印象，那么漂亮怎么看上你了。”
儿子：“她说我老实可靠。你和我妈商量下，要是可以我过年带回去，商量啥时侯结婚的事。”
爸爸：“你确定她怀的是你的？可别喜当爹啊。”
儿子：“。。。，我心里有数的爸。”
爸爸：“别走爸的老路啊。”
儿子：“放心吧。”
儿子：“啥？？？爸你刚说啥？？！！！”
昨天抢到一张火锅的两人券，睡觉时我还琢磨着领哪个去好。
懒觉起来一看桌上有张纸条：“我和你妈去吃火锅了，你醒了自己吃泡面吧。”
一位贵妇正开心的试新买的狐皮大衣。
他儿子不高兴地说：妈妈你有没有想过，你的快乐是建立在野生动物的痛苦之上？
那贵妇暴怒的斥责到：你怎么能这样说你的父亲！
和老爹逛街。
老爹看上一件衣服，淡定地对我说：“你来试试，好看的话给我老婆买一件。”
我真不是小三，导购小姐拜托别那么看我了！
老爹你说“给你妈买一件”不好么？！
我过生日那天，给我妈发消息说：“感谢妈妈生我！”
我妈说：“干什么？此话怎讲？”
我说：“今天是我生日啊。”
我妈说：“哦，哈哈哈，不客气啊生着玩的。”
╭∩╮完结
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8.4 爆笑男女 (11 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
