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我吓了一跳：“不是吧？这都能治好？”
老婆：“男人都是骗子，除非你承认你不是男人。”
我。。。：“好吧，我承认我不是男人。”
“你个大骗子”
《同桌的你》里有这么几句：“我也将有我的妻，我也会给她看相片，给她讲同桌的你。”
我试了一次，没想到，第二天我就只能睡沙发了！
早上叠被子，老公想偷懒，就指着我肚子问：小宝你说今天谁叠被子？
接着老公N……似的学小孩子说话：我叠，我叠。
然后给我说：老婆，看吧，小宝说他叠，也就是先由你代劳。
我满脸黑线的告诉他：我说你听错了，小宝说的是‘我爹，我爹！’
一次晚上正在面馆埋头吃面的时候停电了。
我：“你害怕吗？”
老婆点头说是，于是我很男人地说：“别怕，有我在。”
老婆捧紧她的面碗说：“就是因为你在我才怕，我怕你趁我看不见的时候偷吃我碗里的面。”
晚上，我累了，要睡觉，老婆却还不停的追问我的情史：“你以前有过几个女朋友啊”
“很晚了，睡啦”
“几个啦？”
“睡觉啊”
“你以前的女朋友漂亮吗？”
“烦死了，睡觉”
“你跟你以前的女朋友在一起都干些什么啊？”
“睡——觉——”.
我和一哥们吃饭，他说：“老婆出差了，终于过上了皇帝般的生活，每天晚上都可以翻牌子了！”
我羡慕嫉妒恨地问：“有多少牌子可翻？”
他故弄玄虚片刻，答：“洗碗、不洗碗、看电视、打游戏、聊天……一直翻到写有‘睡觉’的牌子为止。”
正在家吃午饭，突然来了电话：“你的快递到了，请下楼取一下。”
我不由得纳闷起来，近段时间自己没网购呀？
我跑下六楼，接过快递，当我爬上楼迈进门时，已是上气不接下气。
“谢谢老公，快把裙子给我。”老婆疾步跑过来。
“这是你买的？怎么留了我的号码？”我一头雾水。“这么热的天，这么高的楼……”
老婆一边欣赏裙子，一边笑盈盈地说着，“如果刚才快递员打我的号码……你能乐意下楼去取吗？”
老婆一跟我吵架，就哭着跑出去逛街购物，以发泄心中的不满。
今天老婆哭着对我说：“这日子没法过了。”
“老公，今晚想吃点什么？”
“我想吃油焖大虾、土豆炖牛腩、红烧排骨！”
“好！我今晚有点事，你做好了等我回去陪你吃，爱你。”
惹老婆生气了，晚上躺在床上闭着眼睛想东西，老婆以为我睡着了，啪啪扇了我两巴掌，我惊恐地睁开眼睛，她赶紧抱住我说老公你做噩梦了吗？别怕有我在。。。
尼玛我都没睡，不带这么欺负人的。。
一对夫妇久婚不育，他们检查治疗了很久均未凑效。因此他们非常着急。于是女的受一位朋友的推荐，就去看了一个医生。过了不久，女的怀孕了。喜讯传来，他的丈夫高兴得不得了，对老婆说：“我们终于有孩子了，你真行！”他的老婆听了回答说：“不是我行，是那个医生行！”
我老婆是一个刁蛮任性的人，今天她又哭着吵着要买名牌包包，我抬手就是一耳光对她喝道：“还要不要？”
她看了我一眼继续大哭，我心一狠，连续扇了十个耳光喝道：“还要不要？”
终于迫于我的威严之下她不再哭闹了。
看着这头母老虎被我制服，我摸了摸早已红肿的脸笑了。
睡觉玩手杨，有只小虫子一直在屏上飞。
按了半天都没按死，这时候老婆说：“你玩啥呢，给我下一个。”
我接过她的手机，把我的屏幕关掉，小虫子被顺利的吸引到她的手机屏上。
我递给她说：“就一条命啊，省着点玩。”
和老婆躺在床上看电视，眼看着老婆就要睡着了，
我推了她一把，说：“睡了吗？”
老婆说：“没呢，看着呢。”
我说：“那你去给我煮碗面吧，我饿了。”
老婆说：“你刚刚说什么？”
我说：“让你给我煮碗面。”
老婆说：“不是这句，前一句。”
我说：“你睡了吗？”
老婆：“睡了。。。
晚上，疲惫不堪的老公对老婆说：“不管谁打电话来，都说我不在。”
一会儿，电话铃声响了，老婆拿起话筒小声地说：“喂！我老公现在在家啦！”
“我不是交代过你，要说我不在吗？”老公怒气冲冲地吼道。
老婆：“电话是打给我的。”
某君早晨起床，老婆一脸鄙夷地看着他。
“你昨晚做梦了吧？”，
“你怎么知道，我好像梦见打仗了，还杀了几个日本鬼子……”，
老婆不屑地打断他的话：“杀个屁，在老娘耳旁太君太君地叫了一晚上，绝对是汉奸……”
一老婆和老公吵架闹离婚，老公说：“孩子归我养！”
老婆说：“孩子归我养，你以为孩子是你的呀。”
这下真得离婚了！
深夜，出差的小王给妻子电话：“我有个重要文件寄到家的，收到了么？”
妻子：“早上就收到了。”
“真的么，这么快？”
“当然啦！你怎么能怀疑我呢？等着 ，我让旁边的快递和你说……”
有天老公问我：“如果我死了，你怎么办？”
我说：“跟闺蜜吃饭逛街继续嗨。”
然后我问他：“如果我死了，你怎么办？”
他恶狠狠地说：“跟你闺蜜吃饭逛街各种嗨。”
老婆：老公，我上次看上那个牌子衣服出新款了，我最近也没怎么买衣服，一个星期才买那么几套，都不够穿了，人家说人靠衣装，我穿的好看，你带出去都有面子。。。
老公：说重点。
老婆：3000。
老婆qq签名写的：老公，要是我有什么做的不好，做的不对，做的不到位的地方，你一定要和我说啊，千万别憋在心里，反正我也不会改，别再把你憋出什么毛病……
老公：“老婆，自从我结婚后，我的视力就出问题了！”
老婆：“什么症状？”
老公：“我看不见钱了！”
老婆：“你看那谁谁谁，又高又帅脾气又好又能挣钱又疼老婆，会炒一手好菜还爱干净。再看看你。。。”
老公听完后一脸陶醉：“你问他喜欢男的不？”
今天被老婆打了，原因是在偷看一篇文章《教你如何打老婆》时，被发现了。。。
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8.1 (11 years ago)
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8.3 家庭笑话 (11 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
