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1.尼玛…这战争片看的…刚回到家!儿子居然给我来了一句,站住,你是那个部分的…
我说了一句:我是你老子!儿子说:狗汉奸,不要和我拉关系!

2.高中班上有一男生,上生物课看XX片,老师突然走到他面前,伸手拿起他的手机,看了一眼后,说“我在上面讲生理构造,你在下面看实战演练,不错啊,小子,下课到办公室来!”
全班哄堂大笑,那2货脸红的跟猴屁股似的。

3.同学大婚,抢新娘的时候新郎叫我冲进去之后把伴娘抱走,我很爽快得答应了,当我们冲进去看到伴娘的时候我颤抖了一下,尼玛伴娘那身材估计要十几个壮汉才能挪得动,同学你看着办吧,我出去抽根烟压压惊先.......

4.我见过得最不靠谱的爹,去哥家,哥正在院子里摘辣椒,那种叫望天猴的辣椒,哥有一岁多的儿子,然后哥拿一辣椒引诱儿子:尝尝,甜的,可好吃了,然后我那侄子直接把辣椒放嘴里开始嚼了,结果哭的那叫一个惨,嫂子拿着笤帚满院子打我哥。然后午饭我哥和我就吃的炒辣椒,凉拌辣椒。

5.和老婆认识是通过某宝,当年她是客服我是买家,由于漏发了东西她说要给我补差价,我脑袋一抽说要不差价买你的企鹅号吧。于是哥走上了一条不归路。

6.楼主女,今天去买内衣,发现内衣比我穿的裙子都贵,还是狠下心买了。回到家奶奶说那你可以不买这么贵的啊。我说不行,内衣不好容易下垂,奶奶默默的说了句,没事,你的小......

7.说个小时候的事。嫂子怀孕5个多月的时候,妹子上初一,哥哥晚上夜班,嫂子一个人害怕,让我陪她睡。第二天醒了发现我在地上睡呢,就问嫂子怎么回事。嫂子说晚上你做梦,乱踢,我怕你踢到我,我就把你踢下去了,踢下去了,下去了!

8.说个真事,高三时,我们几个男生去看高二女生篮球赛。你们懂的...
女生都是见球就一群人冲进去抢,一群人抢的真是疯狂啊,怎么形容,几个人都倒了。球终于传出来了,一群人散开了。然后....地上发现了一个粉红的罩子...哈哈..眼泪都出来了..

9.和二货同事合租,他有偷窥的嗜好,买了一个高倍望远镜,经常偷窥其他楼栋的少妇们!一夜,他正常在阳台上寻找目标,突然他把望远镜给我,说发现新大陆了,我一看,一个少妇拿着比我们大的多的望远镜正在看我们,但是少妇穿着裙子,我们只穿了小内裤,尼玛关键是少妇色眯眯向我们打了个剪刀手,我们瞬间逃回房间了!再不小看女人了!

10.一个老头刚在我这点份水饺打包,十分钟不到一辆警车停在门口下来六个警察,其中还有俩个人带了枪。问我老婆:刚才一个老头是不是在这点的水饺?
老婆吓一跳,以为有神马问题,小声嗯了一声。结果那人说:听说你的饺子不错,给我们一人来一份。

11.朋友去理发店理发,喊道:哥们,过来给我理理我的龙头。发型师来了,什么也没说,开始理发,gc来了,结账时,问多少钱,老板说龙头100。狗头5块,哥们瞬间脸绿了,默默的掏出来5快结账…....

12.一个绑匪抓住了老婆。绑匪打电话给老公咬交赎金:喂,你老婆被我绑票3天了!难道你就眼睁睁地看着你老婆被我撕票吗?电话那头就听见老公有气无力地回到:你个煞笔,你不把我老婆放回来,我哪知道我家银行卡在哪?绑匪大怒:你TM的不会去借点钱吗?老公大惊:擦!你又煞笔了吧!我老婆不在家谁敢借我钱?

13.有一次跟朋友去ktv喝酒,那货喝多了,走得时候看见大厅有关二爷人像,扑通一声跪那了,说二爷保佑,我去替天行道,上去把二爷手里的关刀抗了就跑…尼玛,怎么都拦不住,最后人家ktv老板带十多个人追了两条街!

14.昨晚做梦梦到我在印钞厂工作,年终奖发了台印钞机,搬回家我就郁闷了,因为它只能印一面!

15.跟斯文漂亮的女同事去吃宵夜,点了点烧烤,一个田螺,田螺上来了,我吃了个,觉得很辣,就说:艹这么辣。
女同事说:不准说粗口,吃个宵夜都说粗口,让我来试试有多辣!嘶……呀!草泥马!怎么这么辣,
我:……

21.客户:买套房,你给介绍一下。
售楼小姐:先生你好,我们小区楼间距适度,通风采光良好,景观、绿化超过80%,有超大广场……
客户:等等,你说什么?超大广场?不买了!
售楼小姐:为什么呀?
客户:我不想看广场舞


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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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