Login:
Password:

Forgot password Register

Article


10
   
Report


大婶对大叔真好,每次吃橘子都把第一瓣给我吃,她在旁边看着我的表情。然后决定剩下的继续给我还是自己吃……
昨天大叔在训儿子:“你知道自己有多恶心吗,当你妈妈第一次感觉到你的存在时……她吐了!”然后大婶把键盘递过来了……

跪完键盘继续训儿子:“开家长会老师对我说:‘你儿子缺心眼’……”儿子恼了,大声说:“你儿子才缺心眼!”我当场郁闷十秒钟,然后点头默认!!

大叔有个收藏家朋友前几天得了一个青花大海碗,非常漂亮,有一行字“大清乾隆年制”。找个懂行的朋友看了一下,釉色鲜亮,纹理清晰,做工精细,是个上品。惟一的缺陷是有几个花瓣颜色较深,釉色下隐约能看见一个“于”字。后来我们请了市里的老文物专家,带着放大镜仔细看了一下,确实有一行字隐藏在花瓣下面:适用于微波炉

儿子四年级了,今天看他的作文本:《三十年后的我》今天天气不错,我开着老公结婚周年送的劳斯莱斯,戴着三克拉大钻戒,脖子上挂着红宝石项链,带着小孩到大森林公园去玩.突然,路上冲出一个浑身恶臭、满脸污秽、无家可归的老太太.天啊!她竟然是我的语文老师!……后面还有老师给的评语:这个星期你站着上课!

大婶脸大,但是最近瘦了十来斤。对着镜子顾影自怜:“瞧这小瓜子脸!”大叔在旁边偷偷嘀咕:“你那是瓜子他妈的脸——向日葵!”


儿子读《西游记》,问大叔:“爸爸,为什么孙悟空这么强大但几乎每次都要靠菩萨或者众仙才能搞定BOSS?”大叔想了想,回答他:“因为他有猪一样的队友!”


今天下午陪老妈去社区医院量血压,上厕所的时候看到走廊上有个年轻爸爸蹲着拿个小尿杯帮他儿子取尿,小孩子目测四岁左右,“尿点吧,快尿点吧……求你了,祖宗,尿点吧……好了,尿了尿了……呃,够了够了……啊,满了,满了……啊……啊……”
当时笑尿了……

大叔从小就教育儿子要懂礼貌,要学会说“谢谢”。有一次和朋友一起吃螃蟹,一个朋友那几天正好拉肚子,就把蟹让给他吃了。
儿子有礼貌地跑过去“谢谢叔叔病了……”。
大叔还没来得及训他,那位叔叔便回答:“不用谢,这是叔叔应该病的!”
大家:“……”

路 边一对小情侣在吵架,女方相当彪悍,各种甩开男方试图想要拉住的手,男方还在不停的道歉,哄着。又一次,女方甩开男方的手,喊到:“我到底算什么,是你的 什么?” 然后大叔的手机响了:“你是我天边最美的云彩,让我用心把你留下来……(留下来)……”吵架的两人当场石化……

有一天儿子问了大婶一个所有小朋友都会问的问题:“麻麻,我是从哪里来的?”大婶说:“买东东送的啊”,儿子又问:“买啥东东送的?”大叔就插了一句话:“冒牌杜蕾丝……”
结果,现在要去跪键盘了……

大叔:媳妇,你知道啥是制服诱或么?就是空姐啦,护士啦,啦……
大婶:城管算不算?
大叔:……

又到给儿子讲故事的时间了,今天讲白雪公主吧
……
白雪公主逃出王宫,来到森林,看到一间小木屋,里面排列着七张小小的床。
白雪公主就躺下睡着了。傍晚七个小人回来了,白雪公主说:“你们就是我命中的七个小矮人吧。”
七个人面面相觑,然后说:“你走错地方了,我们是葫芦娃。”

快考试了,一打听就发现别人家孩子的脑袋,有的是打印机,有的是录音机,有的是数码相机。只有我儿子那货的脑袋,是豆浆机。

每个行业都有自己的祖师爷:木匠拜鲁班;豆腐铺拜刘安;蚕丝业拜嫘祖。快递公司的祖师爷是谁呢?
去年圣诞节这天,大叔终于找到答案了:大叔家弄堂口快递公司老板率领全体业务员在圣诞树下拜祭祖师爷圣诞老人,纪念这位一夜派件上亿,从不允许客户开包验货再签收的快递界传奇人物。

儿子前天上课开小差,语文课老师布置的作业,写一篇作文,题目是(假如我是蜘蛛),下课了问了同学。晚上在家绞尽脑汁的写了一篇(假如我是只猪)。今天这货在学校火了……
大叔圣诞节去超市,没钱还想浪漫,花10块买瓶红酒,花15买个起瓶器,回家发现10块的红酒是塑料盖的……

Previous article:
7.13 (11 years ago)

Next article:
7.15 (11 years ago)

ESim
or
Register for free:
Only letters, numbers, underscore and space are allowed (A-Z,a-z,0-9,_,' ')
Show more

By clicking 'Sign Up!', you agree to the Rules and that you have read the Privacy Policy.

About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


| Terms of Service | Privacy policy | Support | Alpha | Luxia | Primera | Secura | Suna | Vexa | Sora | e-Sim: Countryballs Country Game
PLAY ON