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初中时，小说看多了经常做白日梦。有一次上地理课，自己正幻想是某个黑社会老大是多么威风！老师突然叫我的名字，我站起来就大吼：草泥马！老子的名字是你能叫的！教室瞬间寂静，教室所有人都看向我，我几个朋友还对着我竖起大拇指！老师愣了几秒后直接把我拉出去一顿狂揍！我只想说，下手真泥马狠！
今早让我们寝室老大带早餐，我让他带两鸡蛋。鸡蛋可能是刚煮好的，那奇葩也不管人要个袋，直接攥手里就走啊！到寝室后那货一副哭腔：你知道这一路我带这两蛋多不容易，烫得我走两步就得把它们放地上缓一缓，别人都把我当痴呆儿了！
最近夏天蚊子特别多。一大早老爸就在抱怨 ：昨晚跟蚊子大战两个小时 。但他没有赶尽杀绝，放走了一只 。我说：让它回去通风报信吗？老爸说：因为它太瘦了 没有证据 不能滥杀无辜。
哥们我不会游泳，前几天去水上乐园玩，躺在救生圈上，漂了好久漂到水中央去，突然浪来了，把我打翻了，也不知道怎么搞的，抱了一个人的大腿，就不放手，浪停了，一看，居然是一美女的，那尴尬的，还对人说，抱歉，但是还要谢谢你(的大腿)！！
今天回老家，在高速公路服务区看见一牛x女人车一停直接狂奔进wc可惜进的是男厕，你以为这是GC错，妹子退出来摸了下头说了句晕死一群人的话，怎么厕所换位置了…………
侄子三岁半，一天 ，姑姑问他：姑姑要是嫁出去，看不见姑姑了，想姑姑不？侄子哇一声就哭着喊不让姑姑走！看他这么不舍，心疼的想安慰他一下。谁知他又哭着说：姑姑你走了，你床下的营养快线还带么？
本人幼儿教师一枚、一天头上不小心撞到了门上有一个小伤口。早上一上班就被宝贝儿们围着＂老师你头上怎么了？＂我倍感温暖、还想借机告诫孩子们们要学会保护自己。于是我指着头上的伤说＂你们要好好保护自己哦、这个就是老师早上不小心撞到门上的＂。宝贝儿一幅同情的表情看着我点点头。这时一二货孩子说＂你那么大的眼睛都看不到门儿？＂我我我还真没看见。
胸小妹纸一枚，今天穿了件圆领T恤，弯腰下去捡东西起来时，发现前面男生一直盯着领口看，我下意识捂领子：“你看到了什么？”男淡定地说：“没看到啥，只看到你粉红的皮带。”尼玛，皮带！！
我很难过，回家发现忘带钥匙，就一直在家门口坐了好久等待我妈归来，结果我爸在家……
那年刚上大学，第一天报道，晚上宿舍八个汉子都开始慢慢熟悉了，都坐在桌子旁瞎聊，其中一个货突然拿出一堆高中的书籍，我们都无意的拿了一本说：卧槽…你太喜欢学习了吧，这些书还拿着？ 正说着，宿舍门被推开了，副校长，系院长，教导员还有将要给我们军训的教官进来了，他们看到的景象就是我们每人捧着一本书安静的坐着学习，这下好了……系里开会，我们宿舍被评为优秀宿舍，每个人奖励一支钢笔一本笔记本，给我们拍了照片，贴在宣传栏里面，还在全系师生面前接受所有人的掌声……到现在我都没想起来我拿的那本书是什么书……
去年我表姐怀孕时想喝粥，就对她爸说明天早上煮粥喝吧。然后她八点起来就看她爸把地擦的特别干净，而且拿着碗躲在门后面。她就问她爸说怎么了。她爸说我不会用高压锅，我怕爆炸就把地擦干净。这样收起来还能吃。真人真事，绝对是亲爸！
公司有个上司的小三儿跟我们一样的职位，因为工作我们一般都是早上八点，晚上也要加班，但是那个三儿就不一样了，每天早上睡到自然醒，下午人都见不着！一同事感叹到：来工作就要有工作的样子！旁边一同志神回复：人家工种不一样！！！！
昨天放假，晚上在厂门口吃烧烤，只听背后一女的说：你TM在哪呢？我在厂门口呢，你来接我呗。快点的，不然我就去找别的男人开房间去了。这时旁边一男的边搓手边说道：这多不好意思啊，姐～你看我行不？ 哈哈，当时那女的就石化了。
在一个男女比例1：7的学校~女生太多。今天天气突然很热，瞬间学校长裙短裙百花齐放啊~然后就听见一男生感慨~女生多了也不好，脖子都转不过来了！！
最好的婆媳关系……婆婆说，儿媳妇，别说那是你家老爷们，我嫌他丢人…
今天吃完午饭准备去上班的时候，一岁半的小外甥在桌子上玩一小秤砣，不小心滑下来砸到他小脚丫了，哇的一声就哭了，妈妈哄也哄不住，我就冲他喊：“宝宝！姨姨去上班了。拜拜！”他立马不哭了，向我摇手，外送一个飞吻。飞吻后又继续哭……无敌萌啊！
我发了条短信和他开了个玩笑，我说只要998就可以把我带回家。过了很久他都没回，我以为他在忙。突然手机短信传来提示我的银行账户多了一千元。我一阵诧异，他的短信接踵而至，他说：刚刚急着去银行了，现在跟我回家吧！
在微博上看到的，突然觉得很感动。总有一天你会遇到以你的方式爱你的人。
昨天晚上我和老婆闹别扭，我就在小房间睡觉。她还是很生气，拿把大剪刀给我的蚊帐剪了个大口子，说：“让蚊子咬死你！”过了大概一个小时，老婆拿着透明胶来了，把刚刚剪坏的蚊帐黏在一起了！我的心啊，这个感动的啊，心想老婆就是刀子嘴豆腐心，还是很心疼我的！我刚要说点什么，她自言自语道：“蚊子进去的差不多的了，别让它们跑了……”
教你怎么藏私房钱 ！
一已婚朋友经常藏私房钱，但被发现了也没有跪过键盘……我问他怎么做到的。这货深吸一缕香烟，幽幽道：藏私房钱的时候，我都会夹张纸条或者包在信封里，上书：给老婆留的压岁钱、生日礼物钱、情人节礼物钱等等，被发现了好歹还有点话说，没准还能收获香吻一个……
话说家里儿子在家都要人喂才肯吃饭。有一天好奇，心想这货在幼儿园怎么吃的。于是中午去看了一下，这小家伙居然找了个妹子在喂他！顿时泪流满面，这娃，比老子有出息多了！
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
