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2.LZ男，最近今天天气太热了，一个哥们汗脚，叫我今天下午下班了陪他去洗脚去。来到了洗脚店里面发现生意不错，只有一个空位了，哥们先洗，他坐上去。，老板笑着脸把脚盆放在了他面前‘兄弟。脱鞋吧’哥们把他的板鞋一脱，老板的脸瞬间僵住，一股子异味马上满屋都是，老板为难的看着他“兄弟。我给你20块你去隔壁砸他的场子怎么样？” 我立马闪出了店内。太尼玛丢人了。从此看到这里我都绕路走了！
3.公司有一小美女，性格活泼。一次，她在公司附近的小吃店看到一男士坐在那里看球，背影很像某男同事，就过去拍了他一下。那男的回头一看，很不高兴的来一句：“乱拍什么，和你又不熟！”
小美女是嘴上不吃亏的主，红着脸说：不拍怎么知道不熟。”那男的愣了一下，似乎有点不好意思，小声说：“我又不是西瓜。”
4.今天坐出租车，中途有个钻石级美女要拼车。我刚想让那女的上来，还没等说话，司机转过头对我说：小伙子，你下去吧，刚刚拉你那段不要钱了！
5.问:还有比“锄禾日当午”更不能直视的诗句么？
答:哭疼，老竖，混压；小窍，流水，任夹；鼓捣，细缝，手麻；短肠人，在舔呀！
6.本人男做二手车的，一天朋友邀约一起麻将，刚好收了个保时捷，开着就去了，说来也巧路上遇到了多年不见得老同学，聊了几句顺路搭上一段，路上随便聊些去干什么，最近干嘛呢，这车多少钱什么的，我也没在意。还约了第二天下午一起下午茶。第二天我刚好去收车，收了个奇瑞风云，到了喝茶的地方我朋友一脸惊讶的问我：“这是什么车？你昨天麻将打多大啊。。。”----我去，我一头黑线。。。
7.小时候家里养了只狗，是之公狗 。一到六月天就稀饭躺地上睡觉 。有一天我看见它下面露出红红的一截，就用手里擦淤青用的红花油滴了上去，结果它连蹦带跳吼了一下午，老妈说它见鬼了！真相我至今未敢说出口啊…
8.我们这边有结婚闹新郎的风俗，说是闹其实就是图个喜钱了，一般在新郎的衣兜里装着红包，然后大伙了都自己伸手去拿。我一哥们，狠人一个，结婚那天好好的西装裤兜剪了不说，他丫还没穿小裤裤。然后就看到一个个的大姑娘小媳妇的抢着去掏他的裤兜，掏完还都不说话。
9.和男朋友出去逛街 。
你抱抱我，看我重了没。”
[抱起]“重……”
[一脸自豪]“那当然了，你现在抱着的，可是两个人的重量。”
[非常激动]“你……有了？”
[一脸自然]“没啊，你抱着我和我的大姨妈呢”
10.LZ男，说个我上初中时候的事，那时候LZ在市体校游泳队，因为还小，不懂女人生理期，天天下水游泳，而且教练不叫上来还不准上来，可是经常看一些姐姐找教练说我那个来了，就不用下水了，LZ有一次也学着跟教练说，我那个来了，教练问哪个，我就说就是姐姐那个，这几天不能下水，当时就看教练盯着我看了足有两分钟，还伸手摸了摸我下面，然后大吼一声:给我下水，单臂全姿一万米！当时就把我吓尿了，
11.今天去商场准备买件衣服，看中一件品牌T恤衫，便问导购小妹多少钱，
小妹：388元，
我：卧槽！这么贵
又装着看旁边那件衬衣，问：这件呢？
小妹白了我一眼：两个‘卧槽’
我：……
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
