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2.有个朋友爱说瞎话，老婆回娘家了，给他打电话，问你在哪？朋友说我在家呢！
实际在外玩呢！他老婆说，那你把电视机后面孩子玩的小黄鸭捏响给我听听。嘿嘿。哈哈
3.一师兄公安领导一枚。一天纪委找他谈话，事因老婆告他家暴，他一怒之下脱下裤子，指着屁股和大腿上两个红肿牙印说我那是自卫。在不自卫我老二都不知道还在不在了！纪委的同事惊呆了！
4.前女友生了，邀我去喝酒。酒席上他老公抱着孩子出来给大家看看，可宝宝一直哭个不停谁都哄不住 于是我接手一抱 一哄一逗 宝宝竟然开心笑了…… 旁边一哥们说了句，看 还是亲爹好
5.谁说唐僧不懂爱，遇见漂亮的就叫女菩萨，遇见村姑就叫女施主。
6.大姨正在教育27岁还没有男票的表姐：你还不抓紧，年纪越大越难找对象，不是因为年纪越大越没魅力，而是因为年纪越大越不好骗。。。。
7.昨天遇到一个第一天上班的出租车司机，不会走环岛，不会走桥洞，也不知道长安街二环线在哪里，还得我拿高德地图导航，还坚持要听林志玲语音版。师傅你真幽默。
8.男朋友说他朋友媳妇恶毒到总打婆婆，无奈离婚了，我就问以后我打你妈怎么办，他就说你打啊，我正惊奇，这货悠悠说，只要你打的过，我妈之前是跆拳道教练，，，，，
9.有次晚上和老婆坐轻轨去机场坐飞机，感觉时间可能不够了，就想下一站下车然后打车赶去机场。在轻轨上就开始用滴滴打车联系出租车。
10秒后一个司机回电，带着颤抖的声音：大哥，我和你距离显示0米，你应该在我车上啊，可我车上没人啊，你到底在哪？大半夜的你别吓我啊。我一想，可能那辆出租车刚好行驶在轻轨的正下方。于是我说道：我在你头顶上。只听电话里传来一声惨叫：啊！！然后挂断了~~~~
10.小外甥女特别怕小狗，某日突然灵光一现：小姨你给我买件带小狗的衣服吧，这样小狗看见我就不知道我是人了……
16.刚和朋友出去吃早餐，我说，你为啥还不找女友，他神回复啊：像我这种不帅又没品的男生，追女生不是靠自己有多努力，是赌这女的眼有多瞎！！！
17.Lz苦逼美发小工、今天给女客人洗头、快洗完了问客人、还感觉那儿痒吗？客人回我一句下面有点痒，我默默回句……手上有泡泡抓下面会弄湿你裤子的、结果被投诉了、调戏客人罚款200
18.没事约了一个美眉出去，我们自己公司的，想这回赚大了，途中和美眉说，其实我还是喜欢你这样的女生，那个女生害羞的说，我也是，不过我小孩马上要上学了，你想做什么直接说吧，尼玛。。。。立马石化！
19.今天在家请朋友吃饭，老妈买了一只烤鸭回来，吃饭的时候老妈突然叫到，这鸭子怎么有四只脚？！老爸很淡定的来了句，本来就是四只脚啊。老妈恍然大悟，继续吃饭。整个世界都惊呆了！
20.我有一哥们被一小少妇包养，感觉哥们长的真不帅，眼小脸大，居然被包养？？问其原因，回答：我长的像她老公，她想要一个孩子！！哎呀我去！！感情造假还要找相似的
21.昨晚和十几只蚊子谈了一晚上世界杯，最后有七八只因为一言不合被我一巴掌拍死了。。
刚在小区遇到一只帅气的阿拉斯加犬，我眼神发亮地看着它走过我身边，
小声说了句“好可爱啊！”，万万没想到，阿拉斯加瞬间回过了头！眼睛闪闪发亮！
迅速地朝我冲了过来仰着脑袋瘪着耳朵一副求抚摸的样子！
我都惊呆了，然后它的主人就在旁边说：
“你快摸摸它，它听的懂别人夸它，你不摸摸它不会罢休的。”
11.和同事回公司，打开门的时候看到公司一位前辈（50多岁）带着他的两个小伙伴围在关闭的电脑显示屏前，惊慌失措的看着我和我同事，正当我诧异的时候～音箱里传来一个女人啊～啊～嗯～yin荡的声音～
12.今早起来去买早点，“老板，来个鸡蛋饼，不加肉松，不加里脊，不加火腿，不加油条，不加鸡蛋，多少钱？” 老板看了我一眼，悠悠地说句:“兄弟，你也买巴西啦。”
13.刚刚朋友撞车了,原因是老婆来电话,内容如下,电话一响朋友接了，,
朋友:啥事,开车呢
他老婆:你姑娘考试成绩下来了,班级第36名。
我朋友:班级有多少人
他老婆:37个
瞬间急刹，,咔嚓撞车,真人真事
14.今天坐火车，对面坐了一个老爷爷有五十多岁吧，还有一个漂亮的妹子，老爷爷看我坐到他对面，说了一句，小伙子，我们换换位置吧，然后在我耳朵后面小声说了一句，我只能帮你到这里了。。。。。我瞬间惊呆了，老爷爷，你也是组织人吗？？？
15.朋友去玩浪结果一个浪过来自己翻了，这不是重点，重点她不会游泳……，在哪胡乱抓啊打啊。结果一巴掌打在救生员的屁股上…… 高潮来了……救生员一直喊谁打我屁股……让站在旁边的我活生生的憋出内伤了…………
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
