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This time it's a fun article, but in ancient Chinese. So it's nearly unable to translate into English.
Sorry about that. Signed by Hamsterball
高中同学的语录,蛮搞笑的
不提供白话文版本,翻译出来就没意思了



一日,琳怨:学时凌乱,将废矣。

响驳之:考之将至,该睡睡。

遂引论学。

琳:尔乃学霸,非我等学渣及也

响:我等废柴,已自暴自弃了

琳:废柴尚可取暖,我已不及废柴,无用,可弃矣

响:星星之火,难有燎原之势,考试之期将至,吾等亦难久矣

琳:然,食之,睡之,等之,顺其天意罢

响:非也,食、难下也,弗若睡之,玩之,而又复睡之

琳:如若弗食,体弱矣,何以与师周旋,何以玩之,况睡乃大事,耗力也,需以食补之,不可不食即睡之,玩之

茹见吾之言论,遂入

茹:食,我所欲也。睡,我所欲也。然成绩亦我所欲也。如若食睡皆得,则成绩不能如愿,若二者舍其一,必然痛极且未必得所愿。深思至此,呜呼哀哉。

琳:吾深思之,若二者皆弃之,过三成,挂七成,遂仰天长啸,何以至此?悔之,不及,唯有叹矣。

茹:思及过往,深悔之。叹白驹过隙,时光不再。若得一机缘,可重溯流光,吾必将勤勉兢业,以为来日之试,然,桃源终是梦。故此,吾等求学末流之辈只可头悬梁,锥刺股。以达不挂之地。

响:概余所会比好学者尚不能十一,然视其左右,挂者已不少矣,然世之100、90、80非常之分常在于学霸,非有志者不能至也,有志矣,不随以止也,然力不足者亦不能过也,有志与力,而又不随以怠,至于晚上断电无台灯手电以相之,亦不能过也,然力足以至,于人为可睡,而在己为有悔,亦不能至也,此余之所得也

理见吾之言论,曰:好好说话我们还能做朋友

茹劝曰:吾友!岂非智有所限哉?!

琳又劝曰:此言差矣,友,以心交也,不易言断哉。吾友,余信汝之真心,何以言断矣?

茹无奈道:痛哉痛哉!道不同不相为谋!然余为汝友,怎忍弃汝而去?!唯望友人勤益自勉,与我等共赴康庄大道!

俄而,吾等再论学道。

琳:余深知汝之心矣,情虽悔而时晚矣,奈何以悬梁刺骨补之。然,身不遂心意,每置书于面前,眼则乏,神则殆,何如?余困于此久矣

茹:吾友!每每开卷提笔,烦思甚扰!欲沉于书海,习得不挂之精髓。然,多为外物所累,未曾神注。待吾神回,又为时已晚!抚掌大呼!

琳:汝之言论深得吾心,呜乎哀哉,吾以学渣之心痛矣,痛矣。常观旁人玩之,遂同玩之,然不知旁人乃学霸也,熄灯而不止,断电而不休,每至出分之日,常心痛而无力。学渣者,唯求弗挂,安至毕业,足矣。此吾之所求。

茹: 吾等同道!学渣学霸不可一概而论!盖学霸者,七分付出十倍所得,学渣者,一分付出缺甚少有所得。故学霸者愈发精益,学渣者愈发末流。长此以往,魂已碎,梦以落,吾等末流者唯愿苟活于书院。

响:君之言差矣,吾等学渣虽求苟活于世,然亦不能得也,学渣者,亦有三六九等之分,上者,天助也,中者,人助也,下者,弗助也,岂可同日而语?

响:感吾友之言深矣!思之,深觉悔矣!遂立奋发图强之志!其晚乎?曰:悔之晚矣!学霸之功非一日可铸!吾辈不可至也!余今日从师求道,少顷,眼愈沉、深愈乏,昏昏欲睡矣,俄尔,猛醒,已不知师之所云为何物矣!余惟能叹息流涕矣,呜呼!哀哉!

茹:君言甚得我心,深思之,恐余为下者也。愿得一学霸,早晚不分离,带我上自习,陪我刷千题。然学渣常有,学霸难求!

响:然学霸与学渣终陌路殊途,学渣常有而学霸不常有,偶遇一人,又非同心,岂能久乎?人生于世,宜当自勉,而吾与子所共勉

终,无果,唯有叹矣,呜呼哀哉!

署名 Hamsterball

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