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1.想起大学经典一幕，割一下做个妞。大一时，倆舍友因为上厕所时比jj大小吵了起来，比输了的那个急了脱口而出:”你大，大有啥用？不就是个萎而不举，举而不挺，挺而不硬，硬而不坚，坚而不射，射而不孕，孕而不生，生而非男，男而和你一样循环的金玉其外败絮其中的玩意儿么？
2.早晨老公喊我,五岁的女儿答应,老公说了你是别人的老婆,又不我老婆,瞎答应什么
3.当时在长沙当兵，部队全封闭，不放假就出不去啊，但是广大人民群众的力量是伟大的……各种翻墙出去啊，后来部队为了防止我们翻墙出去就在墙外边挖了两米宽两米深的沟啊，但是对一群训练有素的兵哥哥来说这沟根本不算事啊，继续翻墙啊，继续越沟啊，再后来部队领导怒了，在我们常走的几条路上全安了监控，那时候LZ正赶上退伍，就回家了，再后来和部队的战友联系，他们依然坚挺的继续翻墙啊，我问，不是已经安了监控了么？答曰：我们蒙面的……我擦……
4.本人女～学校拉丁舞团的………………………是这样割吗……………………有次练舞，刚开始没一会舞伴突然说要休息，我就纳闷了，也没跳多累呀，于是就开始各种教训，说他偷懒，结果舞伴怒了，大吼一句：老子起反应了！让我歇回行吗？！我瞬间石化了…后来和他跳都有些尴尬…
5.本人警校毕业，发个读书时候的事！……哥哥不是哥哥……有次上射击课，下课时老师把我们几个同学留下来，他想打靶，叫我们帮他装弹夹。当时用的64式手枪，要求我们每个弹夹装5发子弹！我们每人装了几个弹夹后，有一平时很2的同学说：“每个装5发子弹好麻烦啊，每个装10发就方便得多嘛！”碰巧这次平时负责打扫射击教室卫生的大爷从旁边经过，只见他满脸鄙视，幽幽得说：“64式弹容量只有7发！”瞬间我们各种凌乱啊！看着他拿着扫把远去的背影，仿佛看到了《天龙八部》里的扫地神僧啊！
6.昨天在家带儿子，刚十一个月大，割了你的还有我的…还没断奶，他妈上班还没回来，这小家伙估计是想吃奶了，一心往我怀里蹭。楼主突发奇想，把衣服撩上去了。谁知道，谁知道他直接就趴上来了，吧叽吧叽的就吸起来了。感觉很复杂…很复杂。
7.我家楼上旅馆，楼下小超市。见过各式各样的人，今天又见一装B分子。
站在烟柜前、哎，老板，这个苏烟多少？
我：“20”
他：“芙蓉王呢”
我：“23”
他：“哦，那这个南京呢？”
我：“30”
他：“硬中华有没？”
我：“有，边上，45的”
他：哎.这个软的呢？
我：60
他.哦，没我们那贵嘛，那就给我来包5块的白沙吧、
我.............
8.闫怀礼，国家一级演员，表演艺术家，2009年的今天因肺部感染在北京去世，享年73岁。因出演老版《西游记》中沙僧一角被广大观众熟悉。其实，他在《西游记》里客串过二十几个角色，有牛魔王、西海龙王、太上老君、千里眼等等。所以，他不光说那四句话，缅怀闫老。
9.正在开视频会，……………请的纪检委领导讲话，他说，被我们带走，能回来的，很少，很少…
1.
深圳的朋友应该知道，昨晚市内无故大停电 ....
那时我正在电影院看泰坦尼克号...
就在船轰隆一声撞上冰山的时候 ...
场内陷入一片黑暗....
后座一哥们惨烈的大喊一声
"艹尼玛阿！！！！！！这就穿越了阿！！！！！"
2.苦逼高三党－－刚才逃课出去上网，妹的，班主任在网吧收银，我勒了个X
3.小外甥女在学英语，以下是她爹，也就是我姐夫跟她的对话：
————————这么也算割！————————————
“闺女，香蕉用英语怎么说呀？”
“banana！”
“橘子呢？”
“orange！”
“苹果呢？”
“iphone！”==b
“那大苹果呢？”
“ipad！” ==b
4.一起玩了很多年的哥们，每次开玩笑都习惯骂我一句：干你媳妇。两年了，前些天发现他并没有骂我，只是说了一句实话而已。
5.。。。坐在火车上，后边坐了几个男女打牌各种高分贝鬼叫，时不时引起一车厢侧目，这显然不是gc,gc是这会她们旁边坐位的几个阿姨居然开始唱佛经！！！这是要收了这群妖孽么？
6.刚刚进空间 看见同学新更新的状态
=========我是标准分割线=========
2月买的裤子今天拿出来竟然提不上去了。好不容易提上去，扣子又扣不上，好，我不穿了，竟然脱不下去了......
7.前两天买了一袋彩虹糖，我爸看到了问我：这东西好吃吗？我：那你尝一个呗！我爸来了一句：我看那电视里的人把袋子一开，里面跳出来好多糖，我没敢开……
8.孙悟空定住七仙女之后，TMD居然吃桃子去了~猴子就是猴子。。
9.最近经常在思考一个问题，凤凰传奇赚的钱应该怎么分，如果是两人平分，那女的就亏大了，一首歌下来，那男的就是哟哟的念叨几句，很明显出工不出力嘛…
10.镇里为了保护文物把几百年的老鹅卵石路盖了一层水泥路
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
