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- "Gospon doktor, imam trn u jezik."
Doktor:
- "Okle trn bolan cigo?"
Cigo:
- "Ja lizo, gospon doktor."
Doktor:
- "Sta si lizo?"
Cigo:
- "Znas sta se lize, gospon doktor."
Doktor:
- "Dobro, dobro lizem i ja i mnogi, ali niko nema trn u jezik."
Cigo:
- "E gospon doktor vi lizete pravu, a ja nacrto na tarabu pa lizo."
Došao Crnogorac kod doktora zbog nesanice, a ovaj ga upita:
- Koliko dnevno spavate?
- 4-5 sati.
- Zar tako malo?
- Ma uhvatim ja i po noći 7-8 sati!...
Sreo Mujo Hasu, pa ga pita:
- Haso, voliš li ti seks u troje?
Haso:
- Volim.
Mujo:
- Pa, požuri onda kući...
Poslao sam devojku po pivo,a nju udario autobus.
-Uzas,sta ces sad?
-Ma nemam pojma,imam neku rakiju u podrumu.
Mujo, negdje na ratištu, nade neku prašnjavu, staru lampu. Protrlja je rukavom, cisto da je malo ocisti, a iz nje izade duh!
- Oj, gospodaru, reci svoju želju i ja cu ti je ispuniti!
- Cekaj bre, kako to, jednu želju, citao sam ja to, treba tri želje!
- E, žao mi je, sada imaš samo jednu.
- Dobro, cek malo, da razmislim. Gledaj `vako, ova naša situacija, ovo više ne može, da se izdrži. Ajde ti zaustavi ovaj rat i napravi dobro granice tako, da se niko ne buni.
Gleda duh mape, gleda, gleda...
- Znaš šta, ovo je bre mnogo komplikovano. Imaš li ti neku rezervnu želju, ovo je ipak za politicare.
- Hmmmm... Znaš šta, moja je Fata mnogo ružna žena, ajde napravi je najljepšom ženom na svijetu.
- Gdje ti je ta tvoja Fata, da je vidim.
- Eno je tamo.
Gleda duh Fatu, gleda, gleda... pa rece:
- Daj ovamo te mape...
Došle časne
sestre kod popa na ispoved.
Kaže prva: - "Oce, ja sam ga pipnula prstom.
"Pop kaze: -
"ODMAH operi prst u svetoj vodi.
"Kaže druga: - "Ja sam ga držala u ruci.
"Pop i njoj: - "ODMAH peri ruku u svetoj vodi.
"Gura se Mara preko reda i kaže:
- "Mogu li ja isprat usta
dok ova nije guzicu umočila!!!!!
Išao čovek kroz šumu i naleti na Hasu kako nosi telefonsku govornicu.
- Šta će ti to
- Da se odbranim od medveda.
- Kako?
- Pa, uđem u govornicu i zatvorim vrata.
Produži čovek dalje i naleti na Muju
kako nosi banderu.
- Šta će ti to?
- Da se odbranim od medveda.
- Kako?
- Bacim je da bih brže trčao!
Vozi se Švabo sa ženskom kroz Bosnu, vuče gliser ide na more i objašnjava svojoj devojci kao:
- Mala ovde ti žive strahovito glupi ljudi zovu ih Bosanci - čudo jedno kakvi glupani.
Nije prošlo ni minut kad na semaforu Mujo i Haso zaustavljaju Švabu i pokazuju da im da vatre da upale cigaretu.
- Vidi ovo - kaže Švabo devojci - kako ću da ih zajebem.
Kaže Mujo:
- Kamarad ima'l vatre?
Švaba pokaže na žmigavac, a Mujo trči da upali cigaru, upali Švabo duga svetla, a Mujo s cigarom na duga svetla.
I tako to 20 minuta na kiši.
Kad Švabi dopizdilo, mahne on Muji, Mujo mahne njemu i ode Švaba dalje, pa kaže:
- Evo draga, jesam li ti rekao kako su ti Bosanci glupi.
Kad ode Švaba, Mujo i Haso ostali na putu i viču Omeru:
- Jebo sam ti mater - pa koliko ti je trebalo da otkačiš taj gliser?
Mozak sazove sastanak organa i pita ih imaju li kakvih primedbi?
Javi se srce i kaže: Ovaj samo jede masnu hranu, ja više ne mogu pumpat, ja bih najradije u penziju.
Mozak mu odgovori da ce razmisliti i javiti mu.
Drugi se javi želudac i kaže: Ovaj samo jede kulen, ja to više nemogu probati. Ja bih u penziju.
Mozak odgovori da ce razmisliti i javiti.
Treci se javi neki tanki glasic.
"Ja."
"Ko je to?"
"Ja!"
"Ko je to, neka se podigne!"
"E da se ja mogu podici, ne bi išao u penziju."
Dođe Mujo pijan kući i
odjednom se čuje – Bum.
Pita Fata:
- Mujo, što je to palo?
- Kaput, odgovori Mujo.
- Kako se kaput toliko čuje,
bolan?
- Bio ja u njemu.
- Kako Bosanci vjezbaju
matematiku?
- Dodju pred kafic i saberu
se, onda udju u kafić i
oduzmu se.
KONOBAR: Bitte?
MUJO: Šniclenzi, cvaj pivenzi, majne jednu salatenzi...
Ode konobar i donese sve što je Mujo tražio...
MUJO: Jesil’ vidio Suljo što ti je kad čovjek zna pričat’ Njemački?
Na to će konobar, pojeo bi ti govnenzi, da ja nisam iz Tuzle!
Zena pece jaja za dorucak za svog muza. Odjednom njen muz uleti u kuhinju.
- "Pazi. PAZI! Stavi jos malo ulja! Oh, Boze! Peces ih previse istovremeno. PREVISE! Okreni ih! SAD IH OKRENI!
Treba jos ulja. Joj! GDJE cemo naci JOS ULJA? ZALJEPICE se!Pazi... PAZI! Rekao sam ti PAZI! NIKAD me ne slusas dok kuhas! Nikad!Okreni ih! Pozuri! Jesi LUDA? Jesi li TOTALNO poludjela? Ne zaboravi ih posoliti. Znas uvjek ih zaboravis posoliti. Posoli. POSOLI! POSOLI!"
Zena ga zaprepasteno pogleda:
- "Sto je s tobom? Mislis da ne znam ispeci nekoliko jaja?"
Muz mirno odgovori:
- "Ne, samo sam ti htio pokazati kako je meni dok vozim.
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
