Article
popuši, ona neće...
Upotrebi Mujo zadnji adut:
Znaš Fato, to je dobro za zube!
Fata se smilova, popuši i mu do
kraja pa ode u kupatilo
pred ogledalo.
Vraća se sobu i kaže: Mujo bolan,
ništa se nije desilo, zubi
mi nisu ni lepši, ni belji, ni sjajniji...
.
.
Mujo odgovara: Nisu al ih zato jos uvek imas...
Ušao deda u apoteku i traži paket vijagre. Mlada i seksi apotekarka u kratkoj suknji penje se uz merdevine da dohvati lek. U tom deda viknu:
Ne treba! Do babe je!
Maze se dvoje mladih na klupi u parku.
Ona mu sapuce:
Dragi,kad se vencamo imacemo dvoje dece!
Kako znaš?-upita on.
Naravno da znam,pa moja ih mama sad cuva!
Zašto Jevreji primaju malu penziju?
- Jer su radili samo od 1941. do 1945...
Imao Crnogorac tri sina. Pošalje on najstarijeg u Beograd da zaradi pare. Posle godinu dana ovaj se vrati i donese samo 1.000€.
- Šta si radio nesrećo jedna?!
- Probao sam šverc. Ne ide. Svi to rade.
Pošalje on srednjeg sina. Vrati se ovaj posle godinu dana i donese samo 1.500€.
- Šta si radio, nesrećo jedna?!
- Probao sam da valjam travu. Ne ide. Svi to rade.
Pošalje on i najmlađeg sina. Vrati se ovaj posle tri meseca i donese pun kofer para.
- Junačino tatina! Šta si radio?
- Probao sam šverc, probao sam i da valjam travu. Ne ide. Svi to rade. Onda sam seo ispred Terazijske česme, otvorio kufer i napisao: "Ja sam Crnogorac iz Podgorice. Vratio bih se kući, ali nemam pare za kartu!"
SARAJEVO, Baščaršija
Prodavačica na pijaci viče: - Černobilske jabuke, Černobilske jabuke!
Prilazi joj čovjek i pita je: - Da li si ti ženo, normalna? Zašto govoriš da
su jabuke černobilske? Ko će ti kupiti takve jabuke?
- Aaa, kupuju, kupuju, neko za zeta, neko za ženu, neko za snahu,Muslimani za Srbe, Srbi za Albance, Hrvati za Slovence,... kupuju, kupuju . .
Mujo dođe zubaru i reče mu:
- Doktore, treba izvaditi zub, ali bez anestezije. Samo ga iščupajte da završimo s tim.
- Ti Mujo si stvarno hrabar! O kom zubu se radi?
- Fato, zini i pokaži mu!
Kada ti postaje jasno da si prešao iz Srbije u Crnu Goru?
- Kada prestanu da ti psuju majku i počnu ti psovati oca!!!
> Ide mali Mujica ulicom i sretne jednu gospođu, pa je upita:
> - Oprostite gospođo, gdje je ovdje javna kuća?
> Gospođa mu opali samarčinu i ode. Ide tako on dalje, sretne policajca:
> - Oprostite gospodine, gdje je ovdje javna kuća?
> Policajac mu također opali samarčinu i ode.
> Bridećih obraza Mujica se vrati kući i s vrata govori:
> - Stari, jebo te tvoj kišobran, idi si sam po njega
Bosanac učestvuje na takmičenje
u hrvanju i izvuče u prvom kolu
najgoreg protivnika, tj turčina koji
lomi kičme.
I trener ga upozori da pazi kako
se bori da ga ne bi turčin zgrabio
i slomio kičmu.
I tako ti oni počnu da se hvataju,
i u jednom trnutku turčin zgrabi
bosanca, prebaci ga preko leđa i
počne da mu lomi kičmu. Krcka
sve, a trener od muke pokrio lice
rukama.
I u jednom trenutku čuje urlik
jaaaooo, skloni ruke s lica, kad
ono bosanac stoji na turčinu,
totalno ga tuširao.
Trener:
- "Šta bi bosanac?"
Bosanac:
- "Ma ništa, uhvati ovaj turčin da
mi lomi kičmu, ja već mislio
gotovo je, i otvorim oči kad vidim
- jaja. I zagrizem iz sve snage!"
Trener:
- "I?"
Bosanac:
- "Nemaš pojma koliku snagu
čovjek dobije kad zagrize vlastita
jaja!"
Generalni direktor državnog preduzeća zove jednoga od najbližih saradnika:
- Dragi kolega - kaže mu - mogu vam reci da ste zaista, uprkos svojim mladim godinama, vec napravili izvanrednu karijeru. Mada sa malo škole, kao pripravnik ste se pokazali tako dobro da smo vas vec posle dva meseca uzeli u stalni radni odnos, kao šefa magacina. Nije prošlo od tada ni pet meseci, a vec smo vam mogli poveriti dužnost šefa racunovodstva. Za jedva nešto više od godinu dana u vama smo našli najpodesniju licnost za funkciju direktora sektora koji smo formirali imajuci upravo vas u vidu. U meduvremenu vaš duži studijski boravak u nekim zapadnim zemljama pokazao se kao veoma opravdana investicija. Svi ovde govore o vama sa najvecim pohvalama... E pa, pošto ja, po sili zakona, uskoro odlazim u penziju, hteo sam licno da vam kažem da smo obavili potrebne konsultacije i da u vama vidimo najpogodniju licnost koja ce da me zameni na celu naše radne organizacije... Šta kažete na to?
- Hvala, tata!
Razgovaraju dvojica prijatelja:
- Nećeš verovati šta mi se juče dogodilo!
- Šta?
- Uđem u stan i dočeka me nasmejana i zadovoljna žena!
- Kako to?
- Pogrešio sam vrata!
Uhvatio bosanac Muvu i sad on
nju testira.....
Otkine joj nogu i kazu muvo leti
(Ona poleti)..(zapise on muva
bez nogle leti)
Otkine joj sve noge,kaze muvo
leti(Ona poleti)..(zapise muva bez
nogu leti)
Otkine joj krila i kaze(muvo leti)
ona nista on opet(muvo leti)ona
opet nista.
zapise on (MUVA BEZ KRILA NE
CUJE)
Otišao Mujo u Ameriku da radi…
I pošto nije imao nikakve škole zaposli se na gradilištu kao mešač betona.
Umeša on tako beton, utovari ga u
kofu, pogleda gore na treći sprat gde
jedan Amer nešto betonira i viknu:
- Ej, bolan, bacaj sajlu!
Amerikanac ga naravno ništa ne
razume, gleda ga dole začuđeno.
- Ej, bolan, baci sajlu, jeb'o ti ja mater! – viče Mujo.
Amerikanac ga opet ne razume.
- Pa dobro ba, DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH,
hajvane jedan?
-Yes, of course, what do you want?
- Pa bacaj tu sajlu, pička ti materina!
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
