Article
Top Ten Discipline Principles
1. GET CONNECTED EARLY
Discipline is grounded on a healthy relationship between parent and child. To know how to discipline your child you must first know your child. This kind of knowledge resides deep in parents' minds. You could call it intuition, but that term has a kind of mystique that confuses parents. ("How can I trust my intuition? I don't even know if I have any!"
The term "connection" is easier to understand. With the high-touch parenting style called attachment parenting, you can build and strengthen this connection between you and your child, laying the foundation for discipline. Connected parents become their own experts on their own child, so they know what behavior is appropriate to expect and how to convey these expectations. Connected children know what behavior parents expect and make an effort to behave this way because they want to please their parents. Together these parents and children develop a style of discipline that works for them. We describe the tools for connecting with your baby and young child so that you can read your child's behavior and respond appropriately, so the two of you can bring out the best in each other. (See
2. KNOW YOUR CHILD
These are the three most useful words in discipline. Study your child. Know your child's needs and capabilities at various ages. Your discipline techniques will be different at each stage because your child's needs change. A temper tantrum in a two-year-old calls for a different response than it does in an eight-year-old.
Know Age-appropriate Behavior
Many conflicts arise when parents expect children to think and behave like adults. You need to know what behavior is usual for a child at each stage of development in order to recognize true misbehavior. We find discipline to be much easier with our eighth child than it was with our first child, mainly because we now have a handle on which behaviors call for instruction, patience, and humor, and which demand a firm, corrective response. We tolerate those things that go along with a child's age and stage (for example, most two-year-olds can't sit still very long in a restaurant), but we correct behavior that is disrespectful or dangerous to the child or to others ("You may not climb on the table"
.
Get behind the eyes of your child
Children don't think like adults. Kids try crazy things and think crazy thoughts—at least by adult standards. You will drive yourself crazy if you judge a child's behavior from an adult viewpoint. A two-year-old who runs out into the street isn't being defiant, he just wants his ball back. Action follows impulse, with no thought in between. A five-year-old likes her friend's toy so much that she "borrows" it. An adult may stop and weigh the necessity, safety, and morality of an act, but a young child doesn't.
Our son Matthew, at age two was a very focused child. He would become so engrossed in a play activity that it was difficult for him to let go when it was time to leave. one day when he was playing and it was time for us to depart (we were late for an appointment), Martha scooped Matthew up and carried him to the door. Matthew protested with a typical two-year-old tantrum. At first she had the usual "Hey, I'm in charge here" feelings and felt that she was justified in expecting Matthew to obey quickly and be willing to leave his toys. But as Martha was carrying the flailing child out the door, she realized that her discipline gauge was out of balance and she was not handling things in the best way. Her actions were a result of her need to leave, but they didn't take into account Matthew's need for advance warning and a more gradual transition. She realized it wasn't in Matthew's nature to switch gears quickly, even if we did have a deadline. He was not defying her. He was just being true to himself. He needed more time to let go of his activities. So she calmly took him back to the play setting, sat down with him and together they said "Bye-bye toys, bye-bye trucks, bye-bye cars," until he could comfortably release himself from his activities. It only took a couple of minutes, time that would otherwise have been wasted struggling with Matthew in the car. This was not a "technique" or "method"; this disciplinary action evolved naturally from the mutual respect between parent and child and the knowledge that Martha had about Matthew. At the end of this exercise Martha felt right because it had accomplished what she wanted - getting Matthew out of the house with the least amount of hassle. She taught him a method of releasing himself from an activity without resorting to a tantrum. That's what discipline is all about.
Realizing how much better discipline worked when we considered our children's needs in our decisions was a major turning point for us. Initially, we had to work through the fear that we were letting our children manipulate us, because we had read, heard from others, and grown up with the idea that good parents are always in control. We found, however, that considering our child's point of view actually helped us take charge of them. Knowing our children became the key to knowing how to discipline them. They knew we were in charge because we were able to help them obey. That left no doubt in their minds or ours that Mom and Dad knew best.
3. HELP THE CHILD TO RESPECT AUTHORITY
Parents, take charge of your children. That's basic in Discipline 101. But being a trusted authority in your child's life does not automatically come with the job of being a parent. The child who is told he must obey "or else," may behave, but does so out of fear, not respect. "Honor thy father and thy mother" is the wise and time-honored teaching; not fear them. Honor implies both obedience and respect.
How do you get your children to respect you? An authority figure needs to be both warm and wise. First, get connected to your child. Start as a nurturer, a baby comforter. In so doing, you get to know your baby and your baby trusts you. Respect for authority is based on trust. once your child trusts you to meet her needs, she will trust you to set her limits. one day I asked a mother why she felt so confident as an authority figure. She said, "A lot of my security comes from knowing my children." Because she understood her children, she was able to guide them wisely and know they would follow. Many parents confuse being in charge with being in control. Instead of directly controlling children, wise authority figures control the situation in order to make it easier for children to learn to control themselves. Children respond with genuine trust and respect rather than fear and rebellion.
4. SET LIMITS, PRoVIDE STRUCTURE
Establish rules, but at the same time create conditions that make the rules easier to follow. Children need boundaries. They won't thrive or survive without limits; neither will their parents. To learn about their environment, toddlers must explore and be energetic. That's their job. Environmental control is the parents' job. This involves both setting wise limits and providing structure, which means creating an atmosphere in the home that makes these limits easier to respect. The limit-setting part of disciplining a toddler is to say "no" to an exploring child who is headed for trouble; the structure part is to childproof the home to provide busy minds and bodies a safe place to play and learn.
here are only 4. the others principles will be published in next articles...
To Be Continued.........................................
Previous article:
Discipline (14 years ago)
Next article:
Discipline part 3 (14 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. Its creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
