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Pride Adi Smolar na avtobus pa reče šoferju:
"Jaz Smolar sem Adi, ki lahko vsako od odzadi"
Šofer si misli, da je malo čez les zato ga spusti nazaj.
Tam Adi sreča ćefurko pa ji pojasni, da je Smolar Adi, ki lahko vsako od odzadi. Nato gresta na prvi postaji oba za grmovje.
Ko se vrneta na avtobus, reče Adi:
"Sem ti rekel. da sem Smolar Adi, ki lahko vsako od odzadi!"
Ćefurka pa mu odvrne:
JAZ PA SEM DAMJAN MURKO, PREOBLEČEN V ĆEFURKO.
Tri sestre živijo skupaj v hiši: 91 letna Eva, 93 letna Ina in 95 letna Nana.
Nana se spravlja spat in se gre prej še skopat.
Leze v kad, sredi koraka zastane, premišljuje, potem pa pokliče:
"Ina, Eva, a se katera spomni a sem se šla kopat al sem že skopana?"
Ina zavpije nazaj:
"Čakaj, pridem gor na pomoč!"
Na sredi stopnic se zamišljeno ustavi, se nekaj prestopa in končno pokliče:
"Punce a sem šla gor al dol?!"
Eva najmlajša se oglasi:
"Ja to je pa že zlo hudo!
Skleroza vaju daje 100 na uro. Upam, da bo mene obšla!"
Trikrat potrka po leseni mizi in nadaljuje
"Takoj vama pridem pomagat, samo pogledat grem kdo trka!"
Razlika med potencialnim in resničnim
Mlajši sin: Reci mi oče kakšna je razlika med 'Potencialno' in
'Resnično'?
Oče: Pojasnil ti bom.
Oče vpraša svojo ženo: Bi ti spala z Robertom Redfordom za 1 milijon
dolarjev?
Žena: Seveda, take prilike zagotovo ne bi spustila iz rok!
Oče nato vpraša svojo hči, če bi spala z Brad Pittom za 1 milijon dolarjev.
Hči: Ja! Wow! To so moje sanje!
Oče se obrne k starejšemu sinu: Bi ti spal z Tomom Cruisom za 1
milijon dolarjev?
Starejši sin: Seveda, veš kaj lahko vse narediš z enim milijonom dolarjev!
Oče se obrne še k mlajšemu sinu:
Si slišal sine, 'potencialno' mi sedimo na 3 milijonih dolarjev, 'resnično' pa živimo z dvema kurbama in enim pedrom!
Pikčevega očeta povabi učitelj v šolo. "Vaš sin je slab učenec, pa še prepisuje povrhu! Kar primerjajte ti dve nalogi: napisal je enake odgovore kot njegov sosed."
Oče prebere: "Kdo je največji slovenski pesnik? France Prešeren."
"No, to še ni dokaz, da je prepisoval, saj sta oba napisala pravilen odgovor", protestira oče.
"Gremo naprej",reče učitelj, oče pa prebere: "Komu je posvetil sonetni venec?" Oba napisala: "Lauri".
"Hm, včasih se zgodi, da dva učenca naredita isto napako...", reče oče.
"Recimo, da vam verjamem," reče učitelj, "a kaj boste rekli o odgovoru na tretje vprašanje: Kdaj se je rodil France Prešeren?"
Pikčev sosed je napisal: "Ne vem."
Pikec pa: "Jaz tudi ne."
Pride kavboj v gostilno in vidi pri točilnem pultu tri dekleta. Potegne pištolo in dve ustreli nato pa pristopi k tretji in jo vpraša: Kaj pa ti sama tukaj?
Na intenzivnem oddelku bolnišnice so pacienti vedno umirali v isti
postelji, in sicer vsako nedeljo ob 11. uri, ne glede na njihovo zdravstveno
stanje. Zdravniki so bili čedalje bolj zaskrbljeni, saj niso vedeli, kaj
povzroča smrti, nekateri pa so ugibali, ali gre mogoče za nadnaraven pojav.
Skupina zdravnikov se tako nekega dne odloči, da bodo ugotovili, kaj se v
resnici dogaja, zato se v nedeljo nekaj minut pred 11. uro skupaj z
medicinskimi sestrami zberejo pred oddelkom, da bi razvozlali fenomen.
Nekateri držijo v rokah lesene križe, drugi Biblijo, da bi se zavarovali
pred zlom. Ko ura odbije 11, se nenadoma pojavi Rasmira Safić Novak,
nedeljska čistilka, stopi v sobo, izklopi sistem, ki ohranja pacienta pri
življenju, in vklopi sesalec.
Evo dosti..
Če boste pokazali zanimanje bom kmalu objavil še kaj vicev =)
LP.
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
