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  记得有一哥们结婚,哥几个去帮忙。……不想割…… 婚礼现场:主持人请一妹子上台说:“今天是你好朋友大喜的日子,你说点什么吧!”

  妹子激动的说:“就点个糖醋鲤鱼和红烧排骨吧!” 妹子!你的世界我真不懂啊!来砸场子的吧!

 记得上大学那会,奇芭学校图书馆刚刚建成。学校组织学生捐书,必须没人都捐,

  最低三本。好多同学想着捐课本。结果没通过。这还不是结果。结果,

  市区几家废品收购站的生意一下子就火了。

  想想以后的学弟学妹看的书都是从垃圾站讨来的。我也醉了。

我哄孩子后脑勺磕了个包,老婆哄孩子额头磕了一个包。。

  老妈看看我俩说:可是亲爹亲妈啊,平衡了!

  老婆嚷嚷着要减肥,我说你就折腾吧,老婆说肯定行,定下计划只吃素,我笑了,八戒也吃素啊。老婆瞪了我一眼,说自己每天还会慢跑散步什么的运动,我又笑了,八戒西天取经这不跋山涉水,路途遥远,运动量别太大哦...

  然后老婆一脸无尽的黑线...之后的不说了,没什么,就是地板有点凉...

家里养了一只公狗,早上我带它出去溜弯,不巧在路上碰到一个美女也在溜狗,而且是只母狗,况且现在又是春季,正是母狗发情的日子。于是我家那二货突然兴奋起来,抱着那美女的狗就蹭起来,我心想坏了坏了,肯定要被骂死了,没想到人家美女非但不怪罪,想不到,人家竟然来了句:“来吧,来吧!我看你这死狗能日多久。是不是比我男朋友强。”

家有护士老妈一枚.中午见老妈下班回来美滋滋的便问她:“赵姐,啥事儿这么美阿?”我妈开心的回道:“今天上午给小孩打预防针,一女的跟她孩子说:看这个阿姨这么漂亮打针一定不会疼的对不对呀?”我嘴欠的回了句:“哄孩子的话你也信阿!”……最后看到的画面是愣了两秒的老妈+数不清的巴掌...

今天去奶奶家,两个老人跟我说:“前几天,不知道谁把纸都弄湿了,装在袋子里,还把藏在角落又不吱声。还好爷爷发现了,我们两个一张张地撕开晾干了,要不又浪费了。”看着被奶奶叠好晾干了的湿纸巾,我不知道该说什么好了。哈哈,老人真可爱。

  “同学有些日子没联系了吧!” “对呀!自从毕业以后都没怎么联系了” “也是啊!天天工作东奔西跑的!压力大”

  “一毕业就东奔西跑的!每天都这样” “先不聊啦!刚刚有瓶子出现我得工作了” “嘿!你在那条街?别抢过街了刚才那个是不是你速度跟你读书时爬围墙一样快”

  “喂!是不是你?” “说话啊!” “完了有人抢地盘了”

  前任来找我想复合,我看着她隆起的肚子冷笑道:“是想让我喜当爹吗!”她顿时泪流满面:“你误会了,我没怀孕,只是变胖了!”我一听心有不忍,语气稍缓:“我记得你原来挺瘦的。”“是啊,打胎打太多,营养失衡了呢!”

去植物园看郁金香,去的时候郁金香已经快了,我就随口说了一句,有什么好看的,蔫的跟屌一样,二货老婆马上回应,你掏出来比比,MD我能说旁边还有一群人吗,美女也不少啊,让我情何以堪啊。

  卖火柴的小女孩:大叔,买包火柴吧?

  “不用了”

  卖火柴的小女孩:大叔,买包火柴吧?

  “不用了”

  “买包吧”

  “真的不用了”

  “买包吧”

  “给我滚出加油站”

一天,我在小区内溜弯,突然看见两个保安追上了一个小偷,抓住他后,就是一顿暴揍,一边揍还一边骂,老惨了!我就上前劝阻道:“抓住了就行了,别打了,把他交给警察处理吧!”那小偷听了充满感激的说:“大哥啊,你是救不了我的,你感紧跑吧!别管我了。”草泥马阿

有一个朋友是暴发户,最近一直在相亲,有一次,他跟一个漂亮的相亲女说,我很丑,可是……,没等他说完,那个女的说,没有可是……,朋友说:可是我很有钱……。

  一天,我在买东西,问老板:这个多少钱。“55”我:“45可以吗?”“55”“45”

  “55”“这样好了,我给你100,你找我55.”老板爽快的答应了。我都被我的机智吓到了。


要分文理班了,一平时理科成绩超好的哥们却出人意料的选择了文料,我感觉非常奇怪就去问他原因,他却说:“因为文料班离食堂近。”我差点晕倒!

我和同学去教室,走出宿舍大楼大门时,我们发现忘记带伞了,但是我们又都不想回去拿,他就说:“这点毛毛雨,有必要吗?”我说:“这是毛毛雨?”他不说话了,最后我们还是没有去拿伞,当我们在前面遇见熟人时,他就立刻站在了伞下。我当时就无语了,心想不是毛毛雨吗?这是另类的打脸吗?

到博物馆参观,一个同学参观后觉得很累,便坐在离自己不远的椅子上。老师见了很生气,小声对他说:“快起来!那可是拿破仑的椅子啊!”“可是老师,我的脚真的很酸!如果他来了,我立马起来,让座给他!”。。。。。。。

  一女性朋友跟我说,她跟她男盆友分手了。

  我问:为什么啊

  盆友:他太娘炮了!!!

  我:哦哦哦~~~那分手的话他岂不是要哭了~~

  盆友:他没哭!

  我:没哭呀,那不是还挺有男子气概的吗?

  盆友:什么呀!!!他说他要是哭的话,就把妆哭花了,糊了一脸,就不美了!!

  我:………………是该分手!!这样的男银适合找个小攻收了他!!

 早上给女票打电话:“怎么还不没起来”

  “被子生病了,我要留在床上照顾它”

  ..............

有一次和老婆做出租车,车上刚下去一个人,那人拿完行李忘了关后备箱,司机也没下去关,过了一会司机一踩油门说抓紧了,老婆认真的说,我们是要飞了么,当时我就喷了,司机一脸黑线说,我就是想急刹车关下后备箱。。。。



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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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